Blog

Sep9
2015

Promise Me Tomorrow

By Fortesa Latifi

First, I’ll say, “I’m sorry.”

I’m sorry for how many days you’ve spent

not wanting to see the next. I’m sorry for

how much it hurts, and I’m sorry you have

to drag that hurt behind you everywhere you go.

I’m sorry for the times when you don’t even feel

the hurt and what’s left- nothing- is so much scarier.

I’m sorry for how scared you are. I’m sorry for how tired

you are. I’m sorry for all the moments you’ve missed out on

while you stayed in bed convincing yourself to keep breathing.

I’m sorry. I’ve been there. Some days, I’m still there.

 

Second, I’ll say, “brave,”

which is what you are. There is nothing braver than

living through these days with the curtains drawn tight

around your chest and these nights where every candle you own

couldn’t emit enough light to help you find your way.

There is nothing braver than living through these feelings.

You are a warrior in an unsuspecting body, fighting every day

just to be. And I know-

I know how it feels to be in a fistfight with yourself, with your

memories, with your trauma, with your pain. I know how it feels

to beg your brain to be quiet just for a moment, to search for peace

everywhere, to dig through every pile of dirt, to search between every

page of every book, to play hide-and-seek with peace when it is always

changing the rules. You are so brave to keep looking.

 

Third, I’ll say “tomorrow,”

which is what I want you to promise me. I know tomorrow isn’t

something you think about a lot, and, if you do, it’s not with rose-colored

glasses. Sometimes tomorrow feels impossible. The night is so long

when you feel like you want to die and the dawn seems miles away.

I know. There are so many nights I’ve curled up in bed with

anxiety, who scoots over to make room for depression,

who always calls dibs on the good pillow and there I am,

knees bumping into the wall, begging them to leave me alone. And again, I’m sorry. I’m

sorry these nights visit you more often

than they don’t. I’m sorry they’re such rude guests,

keeping you awake until morning, leaving you scared to sleep lest they get you into

trouble when you’re not watching.

 

The promise I need you to make is this: We’ll see each other tomorrow.

Tonight doesn’t always keep its promises, but tomorrow has potential.

Find one good thing and hold it tight between your fingers and wait for tomorrow. I

know it’s hopeful of me to ask, but can I see you tomorrow? Tomorrow

is a place where things can be handled and coffee can be made and

you can have your favorite dinner. Tomorrow is a place where we can

figure out a better way to cope with living and tomorrow is a place where,

one day, we won’t be coping – we’ll be living. Tomorrow is where I’ll

see you. I’ll see you tomorrow. I promise.

 

Can you promise me tomorrow?

 

 

This week we’re trying to raise $75,000 to invest directly into avenues of treatment and recovery. You can help us by donating or becoming a fundraiser here.

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Comments (41)

  1. Ally

    THIS. This really touched me. I have struggled with depression and suicide for a long time. I was abused for 12 years and finally got out last year when I went into a facility for my self harm, suicide attempts, eating disorders and depression, etc. My mom got custody of me and now I am safe, but it still hurts. There are nights when I just feel like I can’t bear the pain one moment longer, but I wait it out, and tell myself tomorrow will be better. It hurts. thank you for this article, it really touched me.

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  2. Twyla

    Wow…that hit me hard.

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  3. Ana

    Beautiful, i Felt so related to everything you said.. Thank you

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  4. Jessica Valdez

    I completely get it, I so overjoyed twloha is bringing mental health to light, where it needs to be. We must be a united front in fighting for real help for people with i_ues who have been overlooked or swept under the rug. We must fight to show that hope still exists and people care. I care. And hopea and help is out here! You are not alone. Even though often times I myself have to be reminded of these same things.. Everyday is a new chance. So as TWLOHA says See you Tomorrow. Peace love and light – Jess

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  5. Bea

    This is beautiful and so well said

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  6. Ashley

    This spoke straight to my soul. THANK YOU for this blog post. THANK YOU for telling me I’m brave, and for telling me you do understand…. Thank you for promising me that you’ll be here tomorrow, and I promise that I will be here tomorrow too. I’ll see you in the morning!

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  7. j9999

    So encouraging 🙂

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  8. Ali

    I needed this. My buddy just died. And I feel you lonely and unwanted. I feel like a fuck up. I don’t know If I can promise forever, or next week or a couple days from now. But I can smoke enough stuff to get me through tomorrow. I can promise tomorrow. Not very brave. And my dad hates me. And I’m couch surfing to depressed to go to work. But I’ll be alive. I hate life. I want life to come to stop. But I can promise till tomorrow.

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    1. bellla

      I’m so proud of you. I’m so sorry about your buddy. I see your heart. God bless

      Reply  |  
    2. Uchechi

      Remember why you are still there because I know there is a reason. It’s hard to figure out but there is a reason and you just gotta hold onto it. You’re here right now and that’s what matters. Just keep making it to tomorrow, keep fighting. ❤️

      Reply  |  
  9. nancy

    thank you

    Reply  |  
  10. Anonymous

    This article touched me. I hope you don’t mind, I wrote a response to it, in the same tone.

    Promise me Today

    First, I’ll say, “Thank you.”
    Thank you for noticing I’m not ok. Thank you for seeing past the smile, past the laugh, the cheerful attitude.
    Thank you for sticking close when I’ve been less than easy to get along with. When, out of the terror in my own soul, I have sought solitude, even viciously fought for it, praying against all hope peace would come with it.
    And when it didn’t, you were still there.
    Thank you for knowing you can’t fix everything. For knowing that your presence, simply, is enough to keep my last thread of hope and sanity attached, terribly fragile though the connection be.
    Those days I no longer wanted to keep breathing, hoping I would not wake from sleep, but at the same time hoping sleep would not come, for the nightmares it brought with it
    I knew you were close.

    Second, I don’t know if what I am is Brave. I don’t think it is, I don’t really know what being Brave means in this world any more.
    I know that when I want to stop breathing, something forces me to continue.
    When I am terrified, and alone, and feel as if I’m going to die, something won’t let me.
    When at night, nothing could emit enough light to help me find my way, I remember
    Your light.
    You have a light.
    Your simple presence, gives me hope that this void of black will not last forever.
    That this panic will calm.
    Tomorrow will come.
    Your attention.
    It is the hope I need to remember, somewhere far in the back of my mind, that these memories are past. They are not my future.
    I have a future.
    Because of you.
    Your gentle smile that reaches your eyes, when I say I’m fine. Your changing the subject, when sensing I am on the verge of panic, afraid my shell will shatter and I will be found out.
    Your pressing the subject when I am in a safe enough place to speak of the horror in my mind.
    Your not letting me drift away, your constant presence, your lifeline you wrap around me by seeing through my eyes, the life line that keeps me anchored even when I cannot reach for the rope.
    You are brave to stay so close to something so volatile.

    Third, I’ll say “today”.
    I know it is not fair to ask you to promise this to me. My demons are not your problem.
    Sometimes, with me, today feels impossible and you want to walk away.
    You don’t understand why this keeps happening, day in and day out, the same fears, the same triggers, the same nightmares.
    And the secrets you know I’m not telling you.
    The hurt and terror you know I’m still hiding.
    The violent outbursts when you see through my shielded eyes, the running away, the lies.

    The promise I need, is this: You’ll be there today.
    No day will keep its promises, life has taught me this. But today, in you, there is potential.
    Find the one, dim, fading spark in me that screams “SAVE ME” and know that you have this ability.
    Today.
    Now.
    You don’t have to be a super hero. Just be there, an immovable force against the chaos.
    I know it’s not fair of me to ask, but can you promise me today?
    Today is a place where pillow forts can be made, candles can be lit, and hugs can hold shattering hearts together.
    Today can be survived.
    Today, is where I see you. Today is where you can help me heal.

    Can you promise me today?

    If you can promise me today, I will do everything in my power to promise you tomorrow.

    Reply  |  
    1. bellla

      Your writing, is a sheer talent. I’m sorry it comes from a place of experience. Maybe, that experience, can help others. More importantly, I hope it helps you. If that makes sense. If you can, keep writing. Not tomorrow, but today. Your writing matters. You matter. I’m proud of you. God bless

      Reply  |  
  11. GMulder

    Beautifully written. I suffer from severe chronic spinal pain and this struck a chord with me.

    Reply  |  
  12. Qaiser Latif

    This is, by far, the most beautiful thing I have ever read. Thank you for bringing me to tears. Thank you so much.

    Reply  |  
  13. crystalyn

    I would like to help fund raise. Please send some info on this? 🙂 thank you.

    Reply  |  
  14. Deb

    This took my breath away! It is incredibly powerful. Love n light xx

    Reply  |  
  15. Beth

    Important writing

    Reply  |  
  16. Emily

    these words are powerful. Thank you for writing them.

    Reply  |  
  17. Michelle Chapman

    This is absolutely amazing and saddening at the same time for me. I just sat here and read this to my daughter and watched her start to cry. She struggles every day and this story struck her to the core. Thank you for giving a voice to the pain she feels every day.

    Reply  |  
  18. Amy

    Oh my GOD. Goosebumps. Tears. Love love LOVE this…

    Reply  |  
  19. JD

    After a night where the rude guests visited me with flying fists and relentless voices and images, thank you.

    Reply  |  
  20. Shannon

    I needed this because suicide is something I battle everyday.

    Reply  |  
  21. Amy

    Thank you so much for this. I recently lost a loved one to suicide and it’s so hard trying to cope.

    Reply  |  
  22. Sally

    There is much beauty between the lines of your vulnerable writing. It strikes a refreshing balance between inspiring others and maintaining literary creativity throughout. There are some amazing lines in here that I would definitely quote you on. Keep at it girl<3

    Reply  |  
  23. justjennifer

    thank you ;

    Reply  |  
  24. Jeanette Mitchell

    Fortesa, I love this message of hope and encouragement..thank you for your heart of compassion! Because there’s only One Who can promise us tomorrow, I’ll say this: I’ll promise to pray for you, myself, and everyone out there who suffers in the darkness<3
    God BLESS & KEEP us all! Please consider checking out my page @ Freedom Begins Inside <3
    ~Jeanette (Jet)

    Reply  |  
  25. Stacey

    Very good read. Thank you.
    Stacey

    Reply  |  
  26. patience

    I love this

    Reply  |  
  27. Audrey Riley Smith

    Thank you for this, sometimes ppl don’t understand. Even though they try too’ thank you. For thinking of me.and sharing . I love you sis

    Reply  |  
  28. Carly Yourcollegegirl.com

    Wow. Such an inspiring blog post. I can relate to it in so many ways, personally and with friends and family.

    Reply  |  
  29. Uchechi

    Brought me to tears, this is so beautifully raw and honest and understanding. Thank you. I’d love to get this as a poster someday.

    Reply  |  
  30. Mommy's here

    I lost my first husband to suicide. Now my youngest daughter struggles with depression and addiction. I fear loosing her too…she is convinced I don’t love her the depression and voices in her head have lied to her for so long…I promise her I will be here patiently waiting for her to come home…and to all of you suffering…there are people like me who Care …seek a support person and don’t be alone….safety comes in numbers….and Pray

    Reply  |  
  31. Samantha

    I sat here at my desk, as I do every other time the depression hits me like a ruthless bully. I opened the TWLOHA blog, and found this gem. Thank you. Thank you for speaking light into my soul, and healing into my present moment. Tomorrow is just after the night, and I’ll see you tomorrow.

    Reply  |  
  32. Claire

    Thankyou for posting such a beautiful and powerful msg, there would be no suicide if the people struggling could read this and know there’s a tomorrow. It can be hard for people to understand mental health as well and by reading this they should reduce stigma and understand in an authentic sense what it’s like to really struggle. I obviously don’t know you but I just wanted to say Thankyou for shining in my life and I’m glad ur here xxxx

    Reply  |  
  33. Brandon Roberts

    This perfectly describes how it feels.

    Reply  |  
  34. Christine

    I really hope someone can make a video with this as spoken word…IT WOULD BE SO AWESOME!!! And thank you for this.

    Reply  |  
  35. nafisa mohamed

    Thank you for sharing it give’s so much hope and faith and truth:)

    Reply  |  
  36. Hoss

    That one smacked me right in the heart. So close to so many things in my own life but I promised tomorrow and that promise I will always keep no matter what I have to push myself through

    Reply  |  
  37. Darquetta

    Hi I would like to say that this is exactly the same poem that I wrote when I was younger. I blog and so I posted my poem on my blog page a few days ago. I am amazed at how great minds think alike, also keep doing what you are doing. I suffer from depression, everything was going great. I was going to school. My semester ends on the 23rd of this month. I would have graduated next year but I don’t think I will. I had 2 important things that was important to me which was my health and school. I feel like I messed up by doing treatment. I knew that I needed help and I was going to wait until the school semester ended but it was hard for me to wait. So I went into treatment again and it’s been hard for me with my emotions and trying to accept some things. I suffered from a tragedy horrible experience that I don’t think that I fully entirely processed. It’s hard . . .

    Reply  |  
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