What to Say to Someone Going Through a Hard Time

When my best friend first opened up to me about her struggles with anxiety, I didn’t know how to react. I wanted to help—I really did—but looking back, I realize I made some rookie mistakes. Offering support to someone struggling with their mental health is tricky, and it’s easy to unintentionally say or do the wrong thing.

Here’s what I’ve learned about what to say to someone going through a hard time—and, more importantly, what not to say to someone struggling with mental health.

Try to Understand Their Struggles

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that what you say to someone facing mental health issues depends heavily on their unique circumstances. It’s not a one-size-fits-all situation, and taking the time to understand what they’re going through can make a huge difference.

For instance, my best friend developed severe anxiety after a traumatic event, and at first, I didn’t realize how much her experience shaped how she felt and what she needed from me. But understanding what she was going through allowed me to better help her as best I could.

What to Say to Someone Struggling With Mental Health

When my friend was dealing with challenges, I found myself fumbling for the right words. I didn’t want to say something that would make her feel worse or misunderstood.

Over time, I realized that simply being there and showing I cared was often more important than saying the perfect thing. Here are some phrases I wish I’d known to use right away:

“I’m Here for You”

I remember the first time she told me about her anxiety, I just wanted to hug her and say something to make her feel better. But the most comforting thing I could offer was just saying, “I’m here for you.”

It was simple, but it let her know that I was available—no pressure or expectations. Just being there can mean a lot to someone.

“What Can I Do to Support You Right Now?”

I always thought that helping meant coming up with solutions, but I quickly realized that wasn’t always the case.

Instead of offering advice, I started asking her, “What can I do to support you right now?” Some days, she just needed someone to listen, and other days, she needed a distraction. The point was that it was about her, not me trying to fix things.

“That Sounds Really Hard”

In the beginning, I didn’t know how to truly empathize with what she was going through. I made the mistake of brushing off her struggles by saying things like, “It’ll get better” or “You’ll be OK.”

I learned that acknowledging how hard things were for her—without giving a quick solution—was much more powerful. Now I try to say, “That sounds really hard,” and to let her know that I see her pain, no matter what it looks like.

“I Can’t Say I Know Exactly How You Feel, But I’m Here for You”

It’s tempting to try to relate with your own experiences, but I’ve learned that saying, “I understand” when you really don’t can feel isolating.

Instead, I’ve started saying, “I can’t say I know exactly how you feel, but I’m here for you.” It was a much more honest approach as it acknowledges that I don’t have all the answers, but I’m here to support her in any way she needs.

“If You Ever Want to Talk, I’m Here”

At first, I felt as if I should push her to talk, thinking that might help things improve faster. But sometimes, the best thing I could offer was a non-judgmental, listening ear.

Not every day is a talking day, and sometimes people need space to process things. Letting her know I was available whenever she was ready allowed her to feel more in control of her emotions and the situation.

What Not to Say to Someone Struggling With Mental Health

On the other hand, I’ve also learned some things to avoid saying when offering support. In my early attempts, I tried to fix things or offer advice without fully understanding what she needed, and I can see now how that could’ve come off the wrong way.

“Oh, I Think Everyone Feels That Way Sometimes”

I recall one time when she was expressing how overwhelmed she was, and my instinct was to remind her that everyone feels that way sometimes. I thought I was being reassuring, but looking back, I can see how this made her feel like I was dismissing her struggles.

Everyone experiences things differently, and what might seem trivial to one person is deeply impactful to another. Now, I make it a point to just listen and acknowledge her feelings without making comparisons.

“Just Stay Positive” or “Everything Happens for a Reason”

While this may sound encouraging, imagine someone saying this to you when you’re sad. I know from my own struggles that it’s not as simple as “remaining positive.”

Your friend might not be ready to be positive or to problem solve, and it’s OK not to be OK. Instead of giving her a forced silver lining, I try saying things like, “This is tough, and I’m really sorry you’re carrying this,” which feels more genuine and compassionate.

“You Should Try This” or “I’ve Been There, This Worked for Me”

One of my worst offenses was extending unsolicited advice. I thought, “Well, this worked for me, so it’ll work for her!” But mental health struggles are complex, and what works for one person may not work for someone else.

While I had good intentions, my unsolicited advice made her feel like I was trying to fix her rather than actually listening. While yoga or a gratitude journal might’ve been helpful for me, it’s not what someone needs to hear at that moment.

I’ve learned to be more patient and let her take the lead. Instead of recommending immediate or quick fixes, I’ve started asking if she would like any suggestions or if she just needs someone to listen.

“Other People Have It Worse”

This sentence might be one of the worst things you could say to someone going through a hard time. Mental health struggles shouldn’t utilize a “better” or “worse” scale—they’re all valid. Instead of diminishing her feelings, I focus on being supportive, letting her know I’ll be there no matter what.

What I’ve Learned

Supporting someone with a mental health challenge isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about being there for them in ways that are respectful, kind, and empathetic. I’ve learned that what to say to someone struggling with mental health is often just as important as what not to say.

Your words can make a world of difference, and the most important thing is showing your friend you’re there for them, and available to support them through whatever they’re facing. Sometimes, your presence and willingness to listen are the most comforting things you can offer.

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People need other people. You are not weak for wanting or needing support. If you’re seeking professional help, we encourage you to use TWLOHA’s FIND HELP Tool. If you reside outside of the US, please browse our growing International Resources database. You can also text TWLOHA to 741741 to be connected for free, 24/7 to a trained Crisis Text Line counselor. If it’s encouragement or a listening ear that you need, email our team at [email protected].