Once I lived only for dawn and dusk, the rising from bed
and the falling into sleep, how the sky burned away into pink
light in the morning then darkened into a howl at night.
I only ever wanted to be asleep or just waking,
to hold within me as little of the day as possible.
To get through the calendar, that’s what I wanted,
to go from one month to the next
with little awareness of what I was feeling.
Here, where I am now,
the weather changes often.
I can stand in the rain without an umbrella
and be grateful for the way it passes through me
like love.
I can be fine in any kind of weather
and stay instead of running.
Some days now it’s enough not to wait for twilight.
To see where the day takes me,
and be glad for its taking,
which sometimes
is a kind of giving.
To rise at the crack of dawn
and not wish for better things.
To reach tomorrow with joy,
not regret.
This week we’re trying to raise $75,000 to invest directly into avenues of treatment and recovery. You can help us by donating or becoming a fundraiser here.
Kris
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Claire Biggs
Thank you so much for sharing part of your story with us.
TWLOHA is not a 24-hour helpline, nor are we trained mental health professionals. TWLOHA hopes to serve as a bridge to help.
If this is an emergency or if you need immediate help, please call and talk to someone at 1-800-273-TALK or reach out to the LifeLine Crisis Chat at http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx“. We also have a list of local resources and support groups on our FIND HELP page. Please know that we also respond to every email we receive at info@twloha.com.
Kris
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Eric
Best thing I’ve ever read. Really makes you realize the impact of suicide and suicidal thoughts.
Ally
Thank you for posting this. So true for where I currently am with my battle with depression. I used to stay in bed all day. I had no desire to do anything but get through the calendar. My little sister would come in my room and read while sitting on my bed while i slept. She, at 12 years old, had the awareness to know just being near me would somehow help.
Now, I make plans with friends and I keep them. I spend time with family. I randomly burst out in song and dance around my room. I am in a good place in my life right now. I enjoy the rain. I love the coolness of Fall. I take breaks from college homework to walk outside around the garden to enjoy its beauty. It’s crazy when I look back on where I was in my fight with depression five months ago compared to where I am today. I have my confidence back. I have hope again. And it’s such a good feeling.