For Zeke / Last Night in Norfolk.

Hello from D.C.

Donald Miller is my favorite author. He is both a hero and a friend to me. Don said one of my favorite things when he said “I’m better with my hands”. He was talking about words, that he is better behind a computer screen vs. standing on a stage. Well, I would say the same and last night was one of those nights. I didn’t get to say the things I had hoped to, so I’m going to try to say them here.

There was a different sort of weight to yesterday for me… In telling the TWLOHA story, I usually say that it began last February, a year ago this week actually. But in some ways, for me, it began last January, when my friend Zeke took his life. I was sitting in a meeting at Hurley in California when I found out. (Zeke was a Hurley rep in Virginia Beach) Hurley Founder & CEO Bob Hurley interrupted our meetings to make the difficult announcement. We were given a 30-minute break, which most of us spent crying in the parking lot. After the break, the meetings resumed but in some ways, I never went back. Zeke’s death changed a lot of things for me.
He had stayed with me in Florida just three months earlier. I thought about his life, the times with him at Hurley meetings and events, and wondered about his reasons. I thought about Hurley, the way they might respond to losing Zeke. I pushed them to talk about it, to address it. I said the words “suicide prevention” to a friend that day, talking about how I hoped Hurley might respond… He stopped me and said “There’s no such thing as suicide prevention.” Some of you may recall that since day one, the TWLOHA MySpace intro has included the words “A friend of mine told me there’s no such thing as suicide prevention. This is an attempt to prove him wrong, to say that love can change a life.” Well, that’s the story behind those lines, some of the fuel for this fire…

Yesterday was my first day in Virginia since Zeke’s death and he loved music so I imagine that he loved the Norva. All of this was on my mind last night. I wanted to talk about Zeke from stage, but things didn’t really go as planned and I didn’t get to mention it. (I got off to an awkward start, a couple kids in the crowd were being rude, it completely took me by surprise, and I never really recovered.)

All in all, it was a good night. We met a lot of people, had some great conversations. We’re really enjoying getting to know all the bands. Everyone is super cool and kind. It’s funny, but I was all excited about getting to speak every night on this tour, and now, two days into this, it’s the little things I’m enjoying. It’s the moments, the conversations. I believe that the world changes more in the little things, that most of the important things that happen on this planet happen away from stages.

That said, I am still completely thrilled at the chance to speak. I’m hoping for a better night tonight, a little redemption. My time on stage ends each night with me introducing Anberlin. How cool is that?

I would like to close with something I wrote for Zeke. I wrote this on January 9 of last year, roughly six weeks before I met Renee and wrote the TWLOHA story:

Zeke Sanders: You Were Loved.
I didn’t know him well but this is what i knew: Zeke Sanders was hilarious and kind, small and huge in the same moment. He was humility and rock star, fashion and fishing, alive and encouraging and broken and hopeful and a thousand other things i’ll never know. He was simple and complex. He was my friend. Something hopeful in me says he knows now how much he was loved. We will miss his smile, his laughter, his kindness, his tiny jeans and enormous shoes, made for wrestling. We will miss him tomorrow night when we set up, Sunday when we tear down, and Monday morning at Ian’s, when it’s too quiet. i don’t know what else to say. i just have to believe that we are all more loved than we’ll ever know. And we’re all in this together.

Peace to you from Washington, D.C.
jamie