No matter what the holiday season specifically entails for you, there’s no doubt that most of us experience an influx of events centered on food, community, and the expectation of “celebrating” together over a spread of food with main dishes, side dishes, and desserts. While this might sound like a treat to some, for those who struggle with eating disorders, this can be one of the hardest times of the year to navigate. Whether you’re being asked to make something or you watch the people you love spend all day preparing food, the expectation that this should be enjoyed together can bring anxiety and pressure for those struggling or healing their relationship with food.
Do these feelings sound familiar? You might be wondering, “What is an eating disorder, and how do I know if I have one?”
Here’s how the Cleveland Clinic defines it: “Eating disorders are mental health conditions that cause you to have an unhealthy relationship with food. Anyone can develop an eating disorder. Common eating disorders include anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, and binge-eating disorder.”
In addition to classically known or diagnosed eating disorders, you may also experience disordered eating, which is a spectrum of atypical eating behaviors that hinder someone’s life as it relates to food but are not defined by clinical categories.
This unhealthy relationship with food can manifest in personal ways, and it can also stem from a wide variety of mental health challenges: body dysmorphia, trauma, anxiety, depression, OCD, and so on. Eating disorders can and do coexist and even intertwine with other mental health experiences. Ultimately, eating, something we as living, breathing beings need to do, can become a stressful, daily ordeal. Add in holiday gatherings and eating meals in the presence of others, and your experience is notably heightened.
Shame is common when it comes to eating disorders. There’s pressure to meet certain standards, and that pressure can feel amplified when there are people around us who may comment or judge our choices.
Too much food.
Too little food.
Are you really going to eat all of that?
Aren’t you still hungry?
Wow, that’s a lot of food on your plate!
Gosh, you eat like a bird.
And so on…
While you undoubtedly deserve to make food choices for your body without fielding opinions and thoughts from great uncles or long-distance cousins, we know those comments may still arrive. And that’s both unfair and incredibly hard to endure when you’re already struggling, trying, and just wanting to exist. But you do reserve the right to set boundaries, take a break (literally excuse yourself and head outside or to the bathroom for a pause/reset), or ask a safe person for support (a friend, a close and present family member, or your therapist). You do not have to accept or tolerate unsolicited advice, even if well-intentioned. You can tend to yourself and address your own safety, health, and needs, even if it means advocating for yourself and requesting that others refrain from discussing your body, health, and eating habits.
Along with speaking up and placing boundaries if and when necessary, you can also ask for help and support. It can be clinical help, like scheduling an extra session with your therapist in late November or early December, or it can be as simple as having a friend to text on those particular days that feel extra challenging—like Thanksgiving. And if those options don’t feel possible or right for you, there are always little ways in which you can tend to your own well-being, such as taking five minutes to center yourself through breathing exercises, going for a walk to ground yourself in nature, drinking a glass of water, loving on a pet for comfort, and so on.
More than anything, we need you to know that you are not a problem that needs fixing. Yes, you may be struggling with an eating disorder. Yes, you may long for a day when eating means nourishment and enjoyment, rather than stress or fear or frustration. Yes, you may want things to change. All of that can and may be true; however, you deserve, right here, right now, to experience the holidays as you are—flawed and trying, struggling and hopeful, hurting and loving. Allow yourself to bring it all to the table.