A couple weeks ago, my Twitter feed and news headlines filled quickly with some somber news: Rick Warren’s 27-year-old son, Matthew, had taken his own life. If you’re unfamiliar with Rick Warren, he’s the author of The Purpose-Driven Life, the lead pastor of Saddleback Church, and a popular figure in American Christianity today.
At TWLOHA, we strive to be an organization that reflects and reaches all people. We believe the issues we address affect individuals from every community, ethnicity, upbringing, orientation, age, gender, and religion. We want to challenge the broad stigma associated with mental health—but every now and then, events invite us to address stigma specific to a certain group. And in the case of Matthew Warren’s suicide, many are discussing the mental health stigma prominent in our nation’s churches.
I can’t pretend to know much about Matthew Warren’s life, what the environment of their community is like, or how Rick and Kay Warren are feeling during this time. But I do know a little bit of what it’s like to go through tragedy and transition from within the fishbowl of ministry life, and their family has weighed greatly on my mind and heart in recent weeks.
I grew up in a church, and I mean that almost literally. My father is a pastor, and I was not even a year old when he founded our home church. My upbringing was generally happy, busy, and full, and as an adult, I still cling to and cherish the faith I was raised in. But, of course, life has its low moments. And for Christians, perhaps even more so for ministers and their families, these low moments are often lived with additional pressure—pressure to be OK, to not admit struggle, to stay smiling, to be somehow stronger or “holier.” It’s produced a subculture that doesn’t always know what to do or how to talk about the realities and struggles of being human. And yet, both within and beyond the walls of churches, we know healing and recovery can only take place when one recognizes and expresses the need for it; after all, the Jesus that Christianity reveres came for the weak, the meek, the humble, the broken. There needs to be a permeating understanding that we are all human, we are all in progress—and we need each other along the way.
In this respect, I was incredibly moved and encouraged by the way in which Pastor Rick wrote to his staff with the news of his son’s death. He showed vulnerability and grace. He both acknowledged his son’s struggles and praised his son’s character. He did not pretend things were easy, or perfect, or even understandable; rather, he shared his family’s sad news, and then asked for community in the midst of chaos.
His words invited support, but they also prompted conversation. In response, counselors, writers, pastors, and others within Christian circles are speaking out about these issues—why it’s important to acknowledge the religious are not exempt from dark times, how doubt and pain are as much a part of life as grace and peace. They’re recognizing that there are medical, psychological, and spiritual approaches to healing, and the faith community has a responsibility—some would say a divine one—to take a holistic, healthy, compassionate, stigma-free approach to discussing topics like depression and suicide.
Below are a few recent articles written about Matthew Warren, as well as the need for an open dialogue about mental health in the church. As someone who is passionate about mental health awareness, and as someone who calls herself a Christian, I’m encouraged by these conversations and hope they are a catalyst for real and lasting change.
What Christians Need to Know About Mental Health
Christians Can’t Ignore the Uncomfortable Reality of Mental Illness
Overcoming Mental Illness’ Stigma in the Church
Thoughts on Depression and Suicide: Sometimes You Just Want to Go Home
Whatever upbringing you’ve had, whatever tough times you’ve faced, whatever religion you identify with, we can all stand together in believing our world, our nation, and our communities will continue to become a better place for those affected by depression and suicide. For Matthew, for his family, and for the many others like them, let’s continue to tell others that hope and help are real.
—Alyce
Robert T.
Very well written article. Moved me.
Terrah C.
This is a much needed message to the Church. Attending a Christian college myself, I understand full well this stigma of mental health. conversations need to be had, and something needs to change. Thanks so much for sharing.
Kylie
Thank you!
jms
Brilliant observations, Alyce. Truth spoken with love. Thank you.
Rachel
Beautifully written. I also clicked on the link to the letter that Pastor Rick wrote and it brought me to tears. Prayers for he and his wife and their entire community.
Torres, J
This was a moving article. I share the sadness of the Warren’s lost and myself as a believer truley question too- the role of Mental illness especially in the church. It is really good to know that someone is shadowing this and sheds light on problems that we are still facing with full speed on. Keep sharing the knowledge and spreading the word on identifying and how to cope with it. It really helps and can save many lives.
Thank you,
Jasmine
Justin
This is a difficult conversation to have in any context. It is not easy to even say the words, I am depressed, I want to die, or maybe better said I can’t bear to live. To have the conversation in the context of church, or religion, or Christianity, can be even more difficult. We seem to have a false notion that those in Christ should be perfect. We are not, we are human. We are all human and when we treat ourselves and others as such the weight of living becomes much more bearable.
Sammi
Alyce,
Thank you for your kind words. As someone who struggles (especially recently) you have reminded me that the Church and the people who call themselves part of the Church both have the capacity to help people heal from this kind of pain in a very real way. In my experience that capacity and its potential to have an impact is hindered by stigma and misguided interpretation of God’s word as supposed support of that line of thinking. And then there is a small quiet voice on a blog of a well-known nonprofit that points out the simple truth of Christ’s ministry and commission to his followers. This is what gets me to believe in the church again. This is what makes me want to try again with God. Substances, people, coping mechanisms (both healthy and not) have failed me less the temporary and fleeting relief they may bring for a moment or two. Where before I felt so alone in my battle, now I am reminded that I am not alone. I am reminded to have hope and believe in that potential the church has to help people heal. Your words have helped me, encouraged me, and ultimately motivated me to work on my own personal mental health and help others understand the power of institutions like the Church to teach us to heal. The Church kept me alive through my teen years in this very manner. I have seen this potential tapped and play out in my own life. Your words just reminded me of that potential and the reality that God and his family are waiting to help me find my way. So again thank you.
Benny T
thanks very much for this Alyce
Beautiful Hearts
Very honest and true. Thank you for sharing.
Elizabeth N
I think there is something else that has not been addressed here, the pressure put on the youth of famous church leaders by the church. This poor boy, when will the church learn love and forgiveness.
Kayla
Wonderful piece. I think this a real problem in churches. Nothing hurts more than to be in such a dark place and to hear someone say that you just need to trust God more. That mental illness is just an excuse for weakness, or that your destructive behaviors are “demonic”. I think that many christians today don’t have an openess about them. We think we must be perfect, or atleast make people think we are. This is why so many unsaved think that we are hypocrites, they know that we aren’t perfect. Maybe by showing our scars we can lead others to the scars that saved us (Isaiah 53:5).
Clara
Thank you, Alyce. Depression and other moments of mental trial should be a time when the church embraces us, but, as in my case as well, I felt more comfort and support from those who didn’t share my beliefs than I did from those who did. I’ve since reconciled with my faith and the church but I hope a time comes when I finally see greater change in the church in how it deals with mental illness and its symptoms.
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