I Was Never Unlovable

By Helen SchmidtNovember 14, 2019

The first time I thought of myself as unlovable, I was 13.

That’s pretty young, right? Way too young for someone to have their idea of who they are so skewed. But there I was, a newfound teenager, crying in my room because I was convinced that I was both too much and not enough.

When the people that I wanted to love me decided that I was too much for them, it made me believe that I was the problem. I was too intense, too competitive, too aggressive, too friendly, and overall I would always be a combination of being too much and never enough for those in my life. I was taught and told early on by my friends at the time that I was the one who took things too seriously, and the one who unintentionally burst everyone’s bubbles. I cried myself to sleep most nights because I couldn’t change who I was, but I knew I needed other people.

The idea that I was overtly intimidating stuck with me for years even after finding a group of friends who seemed to be a perfect match. I couldn’t shake the concept that I would eventually become too much for them as well. When jokes were made that I was intense, I took them to heart. But as time passed and as those who loved me spoke truth into me—it began to click.

I was never unlovable.

I’ve never been unlovable. I’ve never been unworthy of love. I have always been enough. I am irreplaceable. These are phrases that have been so easy for me to skim over but now I realize that they speak the truth. The truth that no matter what I have been told, or how I have been treated, that I am worthy of love and there is nothing that can take that away. Even on my worst day, I am still loved more than I could ever comprehend. I was never unlovable.

And you have never been unlovable either.

You are worthy of all the wonderful things you have tried to deny yourself because you didn’t think that you were enough. You are lovable in your darkest night, and in the moment when you don’t see how anyone could or should stay by your side. You are lovable even when the world seems to scream that you’re not. Your worth is not defined by those who haven’t taken the time to get to know you for all of the beautiful elements that make up who you are.

Through this lesson, I have learned to embrace some of the things I used to dislike about myself. I love that when I’m genuinely focused, I tend to get intense and really into it. I love that when I look at a certain situation, I picture all of the different outcomes, imagining the what-ifs. I love that I’m logical about the future and what may happen next. I know that what I thought deemed me as being too much or not enough are parts of the whole that allow me to make today better.

Whatever it is that you bring to the table that you have been made to feel is a weakness, I can guarantee you it’s a strength. You would not be you without all of your varying characteristics—none of which compromise your ability to love and be loved.

There are days when I struggle to remember this. There are days when I grow frustrated with my failures or shortcomings. But then I remember that even though I may not be perfect, my ability to be loved remains. And that is more than perfect for me.

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Comments (11)

  1. Crystal

    Thank you for this , my child hood and life (journey) has been similar. Love to you and solidarity 💛

    Reply  |  
  2. Erica

    I’ll never believe I deserve anything. I even said this morning. I’m sorry
    I’m such a burden, I didn’t ask for all these traumas to happen. At my age it’s basically to bad from everyone. I’m to old and I will always carry this stigma. I know I’ll dye never knowing true love and support. Nothing I can do. I follow all these pages and hear so many good things and see people getting live and support and it makes me happy and so sad at the same time.

    Reply  |  
    1. TWLOHA

      Hi Erica,

      We are truly sorry to hear that you are feeling alone. But please know that you are not a burden. Your pain is valid and we hope you can find the support and love you deserve. If you would like to tell us more, you can always email our team at [email protected]. We would be honored to offer you some encouragement.

      With Hope,

      Reply  |  
  3. Heidie

    I struggle with this. It takes time for me to process that their issues aren’t my issues. That their behavior isn’t a reflection of me, but of them. I’m a work in progress and I’m lovable.

    Reply  |  
  4. Debbi

    For my grandsons:. Joseph (13) & T (8), always remember you are perfect for love just as you are

    Reply  |  
  5. Patrick Bowman

    the worst problem i encountered while growing up was that nobody would explain anything to me.

    Reply  |  
  6. Terri Rafferty

    I am so glad that you finally realized that you loved with your faults. I’m your mom but to me you have been the best thing in my like.

    Reply  |  
  7. Lisa

    Thank you so much for this. I have spent most of my life believing I was not loveable.

    Reply  |  
  8. Jade

    Thank You for posting this, has me in tears. My logic brain knows that is soo true, yet breaks more of me because knowing its true doesn’t change the fealings , doesn’t change the pain the thought of this truth hurts just as much as the feelings of the lies of selfworth.

    Reply  |  
  9. Rob

    There are days when I don’t feel enough, there are days when I feel too much. Thank you for feeling the middle, thank you for finding equivocation because there are too many people who feel too much, too many people who feel to blame and their selves and thank you for finding a balance.

    Reply  |  
  10. Oliver

    I am turning thirteen soon and I definitely agree with this.

    Reply  |  
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