Labels are such a complex thing. They seem so simple, but there is so much more to them than meets the eye. Where did the label originate from? What factors led to that being the chosen label? Is there a label that better fits the situation or person? There are so many things that go into deciding how to label an event or a person, but once you are given that label, it is almost impossible to break free from it. You become pigeonholed by what that label means to people, and that is a hard feeling to shake.
I’ve spent a lot of time trying to reconcile with the label of being a suicide loss survivor. Although it is an accurate representation of who I am now and what I’ve experienced, there is so much more to the story than what the label conveys. But how do I explain the story without just using more labels? How do I accurately represent who I am and who my friend was without labeling her or myself as a victim?
To me, the answer is through memories. It has been several years since I lost my friend to suicide and was forced to navigate the complex emotions and grief that came with it. What has gotten me through everything are the memories that I have of her. The memories I have of her eyes crinkling when she smiled, or the way her hands moved when she was talking about something she was passionate about. The memories I have of holding her on the nights she couldn’t sleep or trying to make her laugh at a corny joke when she didn’t think she would ever laugh again. The memories of watching her play silly games with her little brother or seeing the way she always put her friends’ needs above her own. The memories of us staying up late, talking about all of the adventures we wanted to go on, and all of the places we wanted to visit. The memories of watching her use all of her strength to put her pieces back together after being shattered over and over again. The memories of watching her use her story to inspire so many others to keep going. The memories of being able to witness her for the beautiful masterpiece of a human that she was.
I can’t tell you how much I wish I didn’t have to carry this label with me. How much I wish the complex, heartbreaking, and tragic thing that happened to me and my loved ones didn’t have to be boiled down to one label, let alone happen altogether. But this is the label I have, and one that I refuse to settle for. Sharing the memories I have of my friend is a way for me to share the vibrant life she lived and the complex factors that led to her taking her own life. It is a way for me to show that one label doesn’t fit all and that if we focus too much on the label, we might miss all of the beautiful things behind it.
People need other people. You are not weak for wanting or needing support. If you’re seeking professional help, we encourage you to use TWLOHA’s FIND HELP Tool. If you reside outside of the US, please browse our growing International Resources database. You can also text TWLOHA to 741741 to be connected for free, 24/7 to a trained Crisis Text Line counselor. If it’s encouragement or a listening ear that you need, email our team at [email protected].
Katy Tychsen
So beautifully written, Sophie ❤️