It’s Time to Start Finishing. (Some Thoughts on Running and Love)

By Jamie Tworkowski • April 18, 2014

i ran a mile in sixth grade, because you had to in order to get to seventh grade.

i then took a break from running, which, if we’re being specific, lasted approximately 22 years. 

In basketball, running makes sense to me. There are two baskets and you have to run back and forth between them. You’re trying to score points and you’re trying to keep the other team from scoring points. 

At the airport, running makes sense because you don’t want the plane to leave without you, because there’s an event or a pretty girl or a nephew in the place the plane is going.

Outside of basketball and airports, running never made much sense to me.  

Love has been a tough one as well, and while i took 22 years off from running, i’ve never stopped thinking about love. i’ve tried to find it, tried to keep it, and spent way too many days and nights depressed by the pain of its absence.

If you follow TWLOHA, then you probably know about our Fears vs Dreams campaign. It’s the idea of answering two questions:

What’s your biggest fear?

What’s your greatest dream?

i’ve come to the conclusion that my biggest fear is simply my greatest dream never coming true. The fear is a life without the dream. 

Now, i’m hoping it’s not too complicated if i add a third thing to the mix. (1: Running. 2: Love.) 

i also like to write. It feels like a gift, like something i’m supposed to do, like something that’s inside me. But it doesn’t come easy and it doesn’t come often. i’ve always written based on inspiration and never because of discipline. And i get busy with other things, which means i don’t make writing a priority. As a result, i haven’t written consistently.  

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After 22 years away from running, i’ve been running lately. My longest run was two miles, and the goal is a 5K, which is 3.1 miles. The two miles was yesterday and the three is tomorrow

i’ve been nervous and anxious because i’m afraid i might fail. i suppose i’m afraid of failing because i want people to like me and i want people to think i’m cool. Oh and i have a bunch of athlete friends (who i think are cool) and it’s easier to be an athlete by association than it is to actually, well, do things. 

Something clicked in me yesterday running the two miles. i suppose it was a mix of commitment and belief, the feeling that i can do this. i could feel my body getting used to it, could feel the new habit forming in my legs and in my lungs. And throughout the process, i’ve come to believe that running is more than legs and lungs. Your brain is in the equation, and so is your heart. i’ve come to believe that running is a mix of practice and pace and mostly commitment. Life’s about choices and it’s a choice to get off the couch. It’s a choice to keep going when you’re tired. This series of choices, this again and again, this is also called commitment. 

Perhaps love is the same, and perhaps writing is as well. It’s easy to talk. It’s easy to say you want a great love, easy to say that you deserve your dream. It’s easy to say you’re going to write a book, and it’s easy to say you’re running a 5K. It’s another thing entirely to follow through, to do it when it costs something, when it hurts, when you’re tired, when you’re afraid you might fail. 

i’m good at starting things. i started an organization. i’ve started a dozen different loves. i’ve started writing a book (more than once). i started a fundraising page and declared that i would run this 5K. 

It’s time to start finishing. 

Tomorrow i’m running for the reasons above and i’m running for people who can’t run and i’m running for people lost to addiction and suicide. i’m running on behalf of our team, because i believe in the work they do and the work we do together. i’m running for people all over the world who believe in the mission and message of TWLOHA, the 900+ who will join us as virtual runners, and the millions more who deserve to know that it’s okay to be honest and it’s okay to ask for help and it’s possible to change. 

i am one among those millions, and i’m running to see if i can do it. Because in a life made magic by surprises, it’s easy to forget that we can surprise ourselves.

Perhaps surprise gives way to belief, and perhaps belief gives way to change. 

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Comments (5)

  1. Laurie Elliott

    At some point, you will find that running is an escape – one that leads right back to yourself. You will put on your shoes, perhaps plug into some music (or not. Sometimes just listening to yourself breathing is enough) and think . . . why in the hell am I doing this? But you do it anyway. The first mile is always the hardest. Trust me, I know. I’ve put in a lot of first miles. But as the days go along, you get used to it and it can become cathartic. It can, dare I say, even bring you joy. There will be days when you cry as you run because the emotions of your life are just so overwhelming; there are days that you smile when you run because you feel yourself getting stronger; and there are days when you get so lost in your thoughts and the miles go so quickly that you’re almost surprised when you finish. So keep running, Jamie because you deserve to honor yourself by finishing what you start.

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  2. maria

    Thank you thank you thank you so much for this. It was exactly what I needed to read in this moment. I’ve just started running for the first time, to prove to myself (like you) that I CAN finish things. I’ve been good on my training but recently have lost motivation, have stayed on the couch when I’m tired, sore, scared. But tomorrow is a new day. We can do this.

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  3. b.e. noll

    Jamie, I choose to believe that you, like me, have good people with you. Beside you. Who will see this through with you. It does not matter how well you do tomorrow. It does not matter if you think you succeeded. I believe that your friends will pick you up if you stumble. They will cheer you on till you cross the finish line. This is something that love does. That friends do. for each other. This is TWLOHA. This is a dream…that we can see come true. when people do not fall down alone. When people are loved too much to be left there. On the ground.
    I’ll be thinking of you [ALL of those] who will be running tomorrow. Thinking of your Mom running. [so tweet that you crossed the finish line for us, will ya?]
    As I think of you I’ll remember a hike. Years ago. Up a mountain in Wyoming. An all day hike up hill. Those that made it were standing at the top. Cheering the rest of us on. “you gotta SEE this.” “Come on…you can do it!” Some, so afraid we’d give up, they ran down & “re-climbed” the last leg with us. “come on, let’s do this.”
    I imagine that everyone involved with TWLOHA will be just like that. Because you guys are already like that with life. It’s what makes all of you so cool. [and you are]
    Hopefully till next year I will be able to join you.
    “i’ve come to the conclusion that my biggest fear is simply my greatest dream never coming true. The fear is a life without the dream.” wow, Jamie. This sinks in deep.
    Remember, you have a bigger cheering section than you think.

    May His grace drip from your fingers…

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  4. Amani

    One of my biggest dreams is to meet you, Jamie, to thank you for all that you’re doing, and give you a hug.

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  5. Britt

    Congrats on hitting three miles!! 🙂 A 5K is a huge accomplishment! I hope you’ll be able to love running someday as well. I started running last summer, and though my relationship with it has evolved over the year, I’m in a good place right now. Running helps me to work out my mind. It gives me something to believe in. Something to be proud of. And a reason to take care of my body. I’ll be running my first half-marathon in a little over a week, and I’m so excited for this new chance to show myself that I am strong and I am worth it.
    Thanks for everything and have a great day!

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