The morning is calm and quiet. Light peeks through the leaves, comforting and warm. Birds chirp cheerfully, full of life, telling tales of endless skies and cozy nests. I soak it in with an open heart, flooded with gratitude for this simple and easy morning.
There was a time when I didn’t think mornings like these were possible.
Waking up once felt like betrayal. As I lay in bed each night, silently hoping I wouldn’t wake up the next morning, I dreaded the sunrise. The start of another day of melancholy. I used to feel so empty. Depression seeped into my pores and painted every aspect of my life in shades of gray. The smallest inconvenience seemed insurmountable. Every perceived rejection cut me to the core. I took everything to heart, which I wore on my frayed sleeve. The weight of the world clung to me, dragging me down deeper every day. I felt hopeless.
When you live in the shadows for long enough, any glimpse of light hurts your eyes. I feared the light because it was unknown. If my life were an old house, it would be completely overgrown with kudzu, refusing to let more than a single beam of light in at a time.
Until one brave day, instead of cowering from the beam of light, I peeked cautiously at it from behind my fingers. Hope whispered, and this time, I tried to listen to what it had to say. It told me that things could get better if I was willing to put in some work. It told me that not every day had to be like this. It told me I was destined for more; that I wasn’t just some sad story. I had lived in the darkness for long enough; it was time to try something new.
Every small step in the right direction pulled a vine away from my old house. I was hospitalized for a week. I got on a new medication. I attended group therapy. I got sober. I practiced mindfulness and gratitude. I reached out when I needed support. More and more light was getting through every day, and the more I allowed the light to come in, the easier the next right thing became.
Hope gets easier the more familiar you are with it. What once felt difficult to accept now feels like an old friend—steady, reliable, and always able to lift my mood. Some days it glimmers faintly, and other days it shines so brightly I feel overwhelmed. Each day, I greet my friend with curiosity, and I’ve learned to lean in to however it chooses to manifest. Hope once seemed so out of reach for me; now, it paints the house in vivid colors. Natural light streams in through the windows, and finally, I feel at home within its walls.
So now, here I sit on the back porch, watching the dogs sunbathe lazily in the warm grass. I am not rich. I am not perfect. But I am me, and I am exactly where I’m supposed to be. In the stillness of this morning, I choose hope again.
And for all my days to come.
Depression has a way of making us feel incredibly isolated. We’re here to remind you of the truth that you are not alone. We encourage you to use TWLOHA’s FIND HELP Tool to locate professional help and to read more stories like this one here. If you reside outside of the US, please browse our growing International Resources database. You can also text TWLOHA to 741741 to be connected for free, 24/7 to a trained Crisis Text Line counselor. If it’s encouragement or a listening ear that you need, email our team at [email protected].