“Calm, Cool, and Collected”

I remember, very clearly, the first time I had an anxiety attack. I was working on some homework after class in middle school when I became completely and utterly overwhelmed. I felt a pressure in my chest that I could not seem to rid myself of. Then came the tears, and they wouldn’t stop. I couldn’t put my finger on what exactly was at the root of the attack. It caught me off guard and created a feeling so significant that I would experience it up to the present day. On the day of my first anxiety attack, I was sent to the nurse’s office where I sat until I was able to leave without tears running down my face.

Years later, a doctor would tell me the consuming rush of anxiety was due to my “Type A Personality.” I was never sent to a therapist as a result of that appointment. Rather, I looked for counselors of my own accord. It took some time before I was regularly attending therapy sessions and learned that what I was experiencing were actually anxiety attacks. Unfortunately, this was after years of struggling.

Reflecting now on my experiences, I realize that I have dealt with these overwhelming, difficult-to-explain feelings for quite some time. When I was in first grade, my teacher had come up with a way for me to remain cognizant of how to control my feelings. There were three index cards on a silver binder ring. On each card was a word written in blue ink: Calm, Cool, and, Collected.

To this day, I am told I am too sensitive, that I overreact, and that I need to “calm down.” I have even been mocked for communicating some of the things that will often set off an anxiety attack. Little do these same people know that those words from first-grade replay in my head whenever I feel my anxiety creeping up. Furthermore, I am doing the work needed to navigate these issues. Being told that you are too much of anything brings about negative feelings. I know that I might come off as difficult if I begin to verbalize what I know is setting off my anxiety, which in my case tends to be sound-related. In actuality, I am trying to take care of my mental health by asking those close to me to be mindful of the fact that I am struggling.

If someone is already struggling within their head, statements like “calm down” or “you are being overdramatic” can pull a person deeper into the spiral. If I can give one piece of advice to those who are close to those suffering from anxiety, it is this: Please do not tell someone struggling with anxiety to calm down. Do not tell them it is all in their heads. Do not tell them that they are overreacting or to “act normal.” Chances are, they already know that their internal challenges are coming across outwardly. And downplaying their struggles tends to add to the problem by reminding them that they are indeed disrupting the environment. Instead, you could ask what it is that they need. You could tell them that these feelings will pass—because they will.

One of the best reminders I was ever given when it comes to dealing with an anxiety attack was to ride it like a wave. Feel what you are supposed to feel, and let it pass in its own time.

Anxiety attacks are already disruptive to the person experiencing them. They need not be reminded that their struggles are disrupting others.

Calm?

Cool?

Collected?

Maybe these are things we can work toward in therapy.

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You are not your thoughts. Anxiety is not who you are—you deserve to know peace. We encourage you to use TWLOHA’s FIND HELP Tool to locate professional help and to read more stories like this one here. If you reside outside of the US, please browse our growing International Resources database. You can also text TWLOHA to 741741 to be connected for free, 24/7 to a trained Crisis Text Line counselor. If it’s encouragement or a listening ear that you need, email our team at [email protected].