Blog

Jan12
2017

I See You

By Sheri Schooley

Excuse me?

Yes, you.

Hi, there.

Come sit with me for a minute.

I want you to know something.

I see you.

I see you avoiding eye contact. I see you with your head down, staring at your feet, sure that you have nothing to offer.

I see you with glazed eyes, red from tears, and a seemingly perpetual frown on your face.

I see you struggling to make the “easiest” decisions.

I see you faking a smile and telling those around you that of course you’re OK. I see that you believe that they don’t truly care. I see that you believe they couldn’t help even if they did.

I see you.

And I know.

I know your pain. Your sadness. Your emptiness. I know you feel like a burden and a loser and a failure.

I know you are tired, so very tired, of feeling this way. I know you are exhausted from facing this darkness day in and day out.

I know the prayers that you pray and the logic you try to understand and the hope that you are losing.

I know you are frustrated from trying over and over again to “just get over it” and “move on with your life.” I know you are completely spent from trying to be everyone for everybody while feeling like you are no one at all. I know that, right now, you can’t see past this very moment. I know you are questioning whether or not this is worth it at all.

I see you.

Because I am you. I have been you. And I may be you again.

I’m not going to lie and say that this is easy. It is anything but easy. But you are anything but weak.

I have faced demons for so many years, and there are times I have felt like giving up the fight. There are still times I feel like the biggest disappointment and the biggest burden in the lives of those I love. There are times that I, for the very life of me, cannot see a way out of the dark depths I face.

And then there are other times.

There are times when my illnesses have less of a hold on me, when my children snuggle me, and when I feel remotely “normal” for an hour or two at a time. There are times when I am absolutely the reason people smile or laugh and times when I am reminded that I am not so terrible at this thing called life.

I have been where you are. I may be there again. That is the sad nature of this beast.

But you are not alone in this mess. You are not a freak or a failure. You are not weak.

You are one of the strongest people in the world.

But even the strongest people need others to see them, to support them. There are people who know your struggle, who won’t minimize it, who are going through it with you. Reach out to them.

You deserve more. You deserve better. Though you may not see yourself the way they see you, let them help you. I know you don’t believe it. But I do, and I see you. They do too.

I can’t promise that you will never feel such desperation again, but I can promise that you can get through this.

I know. I see you.

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Comments (25)

  1. Melia

    Sometimes you come to the right place at the right time and see the right words. It’s almost bittersweet to read this post. I hate that others have to go through these feelings of such despair, but at the same time if people are going through it then talking about it and making others aware we aren’t alone helps a great deal. It’s so easy to believe the words that depression and hopelessness chants over and over in that awful internal dialog. It feels like when some sort of strength or internal mantra is found to combat the negative chant, I’m using that mantra every couple hours, then every hour, then minutes until I feel so tired and beat down. Then the despair sets in. Then the literal pain sets in and it feels like my heart hurts. It’s terrifying when you feel so unable to see any light out of this or when that light is fleeting.
    I’m fighting. I will keep living. I will find the light and hold on to it.
    Thank you for posting this, thank you for calling out the hurting and giving hope.

    Reply  |  
  2. um

    Thank you for seeing me! Inspiring words, and I feel you, and I see you too

    Reply  |  
  3. Char

    Thank you for sharing this. Sometimes people keep their words private because it’s personal to them, but sometimes they need to be let out into the aid to breathe life into those that understand them. I needed this today. I needed to be seen, to have the struggle acknowledged for what it is. Thank you. A million times thank you.

    Reply  |  
  4. Lynnda

    Thank you! ?

    Reply  |  
  5. Kat

    I needed this today. I didn’t know that I did until I started to read it and the tears started to fall. I knew today that I felt off. I couldn’t put my finger on it. I knew I’d taken my meds and gotten a good night’s sleep. I also knew that however badly I really needed it, the energy to strip naked and see my fat self was more than I could handle so I slapped on some deodorant, ran a brush through my hair and another across my teeth and called it good. That’s when I should have known that I was slipping a little and needed to reach out. I chose instead to ignore it and the people around me that might see what I see because depression has never lied to me before, right? It’s never been the voice that’s said I’m fat and old and ugly and a hundred other things that aren’t true. I’m glad you can see me, the real me, the one that is struggling to see me as I am…a little overweight, but pretty and with a very giving heart.

    Reply  |  
  6. Brooke

    This really hits home. I recently realized just how bad my anxiety was. My mom had to witness it as well. I have tried so hard to hide the fact that I have debilitating anxiety. Yet. Here I am. Looking weak in front of my mother. All I want is to be seen and heard. Yet I can’t bring myself to let anyone see this side of me. It’s too ugly for me to bear let alone someone else. I’m not sure I deserve better than this place of desperation I am at.

    Reply  |  
    1. TWLOHA

      Brooke, you DO deserve better than to feel stuck in this place. You are not alone. We see and hear you. We do. Please email us at info@twloha.com so we can give you some encouragement, or you can look through our FIND HELP page at http://www.twloha.com/find-help

      Reply  |  
  7. Mary Crump

    It’s what we all need, to be seen and listened to when we are able to speak.

    Reply  |  
  8. Lindsay

    I really needed this today!

    Reply  |  
  9. Gravity

    Thank you….

    Reply  |  
  10. CARi Shorten-peake

    It’s hard to believe that others truly do see me. I’m SO black at the moment I can see absolutely no way out

    Reply  |  
    1. TWLOHA

      Hi Cari,

      We’re sorry to hear that you’re struggling right now. We want to let you know that there is a way out; there are better days ahead. You just have to hold on and keep living. Please keep fighting for those good days. We believe in you, and we believe you can get there.

      If you need some encouragement, you can reach us at info@twloha.com.

      If you’re looking for resources, we list some (including 24/7 helplines) here: https://twloha.com/find-help/local-resources/.

      Reply  |  
  11. Grace

    Thank you a million times for being so real in a world so often cloaked in keeping up appearances or believing you have to do it alone. Thank you for getting to the raw, the grit, the bones that this world so often stigmatizes. Thank you for your words! They’ve helped me already.

    Reply  |  
  12. manuel

    hola soy un chico de Venezuela tengo 17 años y jamas había escuchado lo que sentía en palabras de alguien , desde que tengo uso de razón he pasado mi vida en una guerra por todo el dolor que he sufrido y aun que ante los demás soy rico,feliz y afortunado soy todo lo contrario para mi yo en mi mente me pierdo y lloro en silencio cada noche por que siento que todo yo se reduce a cenizas y solo valgo cuando se necesita algo de mi sin importar cuanto lo intente siempre tengo el mismo resultado terminado derramando lagrimas por los demás estoy casado pero dormir mucho no me quita esa carga aun que así me sorprendo a mi mismo por soportar tanto duele ver como hay un silencio en mi habitación y que incluso la chica que me ama aveces me deje solo ver como siempre termino siendo un fracaso y sentir la guerra contra la oscuridad cada día

    Reply  |  
    1. TWLOHA

      Manuel, gracias por contactarnos. Entendemos que la vida puede ser difícil y desalentadora a veces. Pero esperamos que encuentre la voluntad de quedarse y seguir luchando. Hay esperanza. Y no estás solo en esta pelea o en esta vida. Si alguna vez necesita hablar con nosotros directamente, favor de comunicarse con nosotros en info@twloha.com. O, usted puede texto “TWLOHA” a 741-741 para ser conectado a un consejero entrenado vía la línea del texto de la crisis. Por favor quédate. Cuida de ti mismo, encuentra consuelo en tus seres queridos, y nunca te rindas.

      Reply  |  
  13. Mary R

    So beautifully said and so true .thank you so much it helps me to read these articles very much .

    Reply  |  
  14. Sara

    It feels nice to Know that there’s people that can understand you.
    People who don’t just think it’s all in your head and that if you don’t think about it, it will go away. It’s hard not to be able to share the Biden with the people you love, sometimes because they won’t understand or because you don’t want to see them hurt for you.
    I guess this gives a little light in the dark. Gives hope of one day getting out of this…..sickness.
    Thank you!!

    Reply  |  
    1. TWLOHA

      Hi Sara,

      We’re sorry to hear that you’re struggling right now, and that you fell like sharing might be hard or that people don’t understand. Just like the blog says, we see you. We hear you. And you are not alone. You will recover from this, and you will beat the darkness. Nothing can dim your light.

      If you need some encouragement, you can reach us at info@twloha.com.

      If you’re looking for resources, we list some (including 24/7 helplines) here: https://twloha.com/find-help/local-resources/.

      Reply  |  
  15. Grace

    Today is the one year anniversary of my friends suicide. But it is also my one year anniversary of promising to getting help. Thank you for this <3

    Reply  |  
    1. Claire Biggs

      We’re so, so sorry to hear about your friend’s death, Grace. We’re also so incredibly proud of you for promising to get help. We’ll be here rooting for you and your story. If you ever need encouragement, please email us at info@twloha.com.

      Reply  |  
  16. ceci

    a lot of feelings in this amazing text. just saw twloha movie and thought to check the page and well, found all of these.
    just incredible

    Reply  |  
  17. cris gonzales

    …very nice encouraging words..hope it works for me..still in the hole and not even trying to get out of this shithole..feeling devastated.. when your special someone all of a sudden changed..hard to accept much more to move on just like that knowing that she’s very special..she is everything..my life, my love and all..don’t think i will be okay coz i love her so much..i am partly to be blamed too but reasons were too shallow for us to end up like this..i know you see me and maybe you can help me..but i dont know how..i know i sound very negative and frustrated..how can i be not?it hurts and you know it..still trying to hold on longer but it’s getting harder..not thinking about of doing any stupid things that i will regret more in my life..hope she cange her mind and come back to me..love you so much ceejay…thnx anyways for reminding..hope it works for me..

    Reply  |  
    1. TWLOHA

      Cris, we are so proud of the strength you’ve displayed by continuing to live. We want you to know that even if you are missing someone or feel alone, you are not. We are here. We see you. And we hope you keep loving and living for yourself and others. You can always reach out to us at info@twloha.com or text “TWLOHA” to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 at anytime to be connected with a trained counselor. We are honored to have you share your feelings with us. Please stay.

      Reply  |  
  18. Steph Hart

    This is exactly what I needed to read right now. I’m in one of the lowest points. Thank you for writing it!

    Reply  |  
  19. Kaethe

    I cried from start to finish. Thank you for seeing me.

    Reply  |  
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