Come sit with me for a minute.
I want you to know something.
I see you.
I see you avoiding eye contact. I see you with your head down, staring at your feet, sure that you have nothing to offer.
I see you with glazed eyes, red from tears, and a seemingly perpetual frown on your face.
I see you struggling to make the “easiest” decisions.
I see you faking a smile and telling those around you that of course you’re OK. I see that you believe that they don’t truly care. I see that you believe they couldn’t help even if they did.
I see you.
And I know.
I know your pain. Your sadness. Your emptiness. I know you feel like a burden and a loser and a failure.
I know you are tired, so very tired, of feeling this way. I know you are exhausted from facing this darkness day in and day out.
I know the prayers that you pray and the logic you try to understand and the hope that you are losing.
I know you are frustrated from trying over and over again to “just get over it” and “move on with your life.” I know you are completely spent from trying to be everyone for everybody while feeling like you are no one at all. I know that, right now, you can’t see past this very moment. I know you are questioning whether or not this is worth it at all.
I see you.
Because I am you. I have been you. And I may be you again.
I’m not going to lie and say that this is easy. It is anything but easy. But you are anything but weak.
I have faced demons for so many years, and there are times I have felt like giving up the fight. There are still times I feel like the biggest disappointment and the biggest burden in the lives of those I love. There are times that I, for the very life of me, cannot see a way out of the dark depths I face.
And then there are other times.
There are times when my illnesses have less of a hold on me, when my children snuggle me, and when I feel remotely “normal” for an hour or two at a time. There are times when I am absolutely the reason people smile or laugh and times when I am reminded that I am not so terrible at this thing called life.
I have been where you are. I may be there again. That is the sad nature of this beast.
But you are not alone in this mess. You are not a freak or a failure. You are not weak.
You are one of the strongest people in the world.
But even the strongest people need others to see them, to support them. There are people who know your struggle, who won’t minimize it, who are going through it with you. Reach out to them.
You deserve more. You deserve better. Though you may not see yourself the way they see you, let them help you. I know you don’t believe it. But I do, and I see you. They do too.
I can’t promise that you will never feel such desperation again, but I can promise that you can get through this.
I know. I see you.