Sometimes I think the only thing harder than giving love is accepting it. We forget that accepting love is a choice: We have to welcome it.
Often we create and build walls to keep love out. These walls come in many forms: They’re present in our excuses, when we distance ourselves, and when we choose people we know are not suited for us. We build walls in the form of choosing pain. We convince ourselves that it’s easier to be broken than it is to feel whole. We convince ourselves it’s easier to wither and wish for love to come and fill us sometime in the future – because in the form of a dream, love is something attainable. Sometimes it’s easier to keep the love we wish to have out of reach than it is to take it when we get it. Because the truth is: Love is terrifying. And there are a multitude of reasons why we don’t accept it when it appears.
Sometimes it’s because we think that we are protecting ourselves by blocking ourselves off. Sometimes we think we’re protecting others from the storms that swell within us. After all, if we let them in, they may not know how to weather those storms.
Why do we do it? We do it because love frightens us. We do it because we fear that we are undeserving of that love. We do it because we rather would be crushed under our burdens before we would ever place them upon another person.
We’ve all treated people as less than they deserve at one point or another. We’ve all made choices that are not even remotely close to admirable.
But we have to stop beating ourselves over these things. We have to understand that we are not the sum of all the bad things we’ve done. Nor are we the sum of all the bad things that have been done to us.
You are not a burden. You are not too much to handle. You do not come with too much baggage. You are not only your 3AM mind, your pacing around your room, your doubt, your fears, or your mistakes.
Imagine the best parts of yourself, your favorite part even. Find the things that you love most about yourself. Imagine yourself on your best day.
Because that’s also who you are. We’re not defined by the worst things that stir within us, but by the best things that we have grown.
Learn to accept love. You deserve it.