Our Little Secret

By Nicole Braddock Bromley • April 23, 2015

The following post contains themes of sexual assault. Please take caution when reading.

Think of your deepest, darkest secret – that one thing that makes your stomach churn and your palms sweaty when you imagine sharing it out loud. It’s that one secret you intend to carry to your grave.

Right now, too many people are thinking of sexual abuse.

For a long time, that was my secret too.

I grew up in a small town. Many considered me the “perfect girl” from the “perfect family.” I excelled as an athlete, student, artist, and leader. My life seemed ideal. But behind my bright hazel eyes, my super-achiever persona was masking a girl who was carrying the silent pain of childhood sexual abuse and afraid to tell. My silence, like the silence of so many survivors of abuse, helped hide the truth that sexual abuse is affecting millions of people just like you and me.

I believe childhood sexual abuse is one of the best-kept secrets in our world today. And I believe that breaking the silence is the key to healing. But it isn’t easy. If you have been abused, sharing your secret may very well be your biggest fear.

I know how you feel. It took ten years for me to find the courage to tell my mom that my stepfather had been sexually abusing me for nearly all of my childhood.

He silenced me in so many ways, telling me no one would believe me. He told me if anyone did find out about “our little secret,” my mom would hate me, divorce him, and I would never see her again.  I believed it was my responsibility to keep our family together. I had to protect my mom; I had to do whatever my step-dad wanted. I felt as if I had no choice…no voice. I was scared. I felt trapped. I was silenced.

I felt lost, ashamed, dirty, and broken. I not only needed rescue, but I needed hope. I needed to know that I was not alone, that my story mattered, and that the shame I felt wasn’t mine to carry.

But throughout much of my life, I wore that shame like an uncomfortable undergarment. It seemed I always knew it was there–closely covering my body, almost suffocating me at times, and affecting the way I felt every day. My shame not only stemmed from a childhood marred by the painful secret of sexual abuse, but also from the betrayal of my stepfather who abused me; I was ashamed of the false belief I had that it was my fault; and I was ashamed of the unhealthy ways I tried to cope. 

Shame is often rooted in lies we believe about ourselves. For an abuse survivor, it is especially entrenched in the lie that we are somehow to blame for the pain we have experienced. As a result, we are left feeling dirty, unloved, and afraid of what people would think about us if they knew our secret. 

And just as I tried to keep the secret of childhood sexual abuse hidden for years, I also tried to cover up the shame I felt. My outerwear consisted of coping mechanisms such as perfectionism and people pleasing–anything that would hide my shame from others and instead show them the person I thought they would love and accept. 

Finding the courage to tell my secret released me from the shame of my past and helped me embrace the future; it put me on a journey of healing where I discovered the freedom I’d been longing for. In sharing my story, I also realized I wasn’t alone. So many others began telling me their stories too, sparking healing in lives all around me!

I now understand the power in finding my voice. I no longer live with my childhood secret; instead, I share my story to empower others to share theirs and to prevent the cycle of abuse and injustice. The pain that I thought would end me actually had the potential to fuel my purpose in the world.

Ending something like sexual abuse, sex slavery, or the fact that an estimated 1 in 6 women will be the victim of rape or attempted rape in her lifetime will not just be about my voice—it is going to take each and every one of us choosing to not remain silent.

In my book “Hush: Moving from Silence to Healing After Childhood Sexual Abuse,” I write:

“If no one sheds light on what is being done in the darkness, it will never stop, and survivors will never know the truth that will set them free from the lies that keep them in bondage. Every time we bring abuse into the light, we help prevent more abuse while we help its victims heal. 

Victims need their own voice to break free from their silent pain. But they also need your voice. They need my voice. Together, our voices become one voice, one that rings loud and clear as it speaks words of love and truth, of validation, acceptance, and comfort. Our voice will break through the darkness to expose sexual abuse for exactly what it is. Our voice will lead wounded hearts to a safe, open place of healing. And as we speak out, our voice will reduce the risk of abuse for the next child, and the next, and the next.”

Everyone’s story matters. There are people around you who are going through something similar to what you have experienced, but they are silently hurting and afraid. They need someone—they need me and you—to speak out, to reach out, to encourage them, and to remind them that they are not alone. You may feel you don’t have much to give, but what you do have may be exactly what someone else is desperately searching for.

So, be courageous. Find your voice. Share your story. Listen to someone else’s.

You could change a life. You might change the world.

Nicole Braddock Bromley is the founder of OneVOICE and OneVOICE4freedom and an international spokesperson on sexual abuse and child sex trafficking. Nicole is the author of “Hush: Moving From Silence to Healing After Childhood Sexual Abuse”, “Breathe: Finding Freedom to Thrive in Relationships After Childhood Sexual Abuse” and “SOAR: A Film Series and Study Companion to Hush.”

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