Releasing Your Shame

By Aabye-Gayle D. Francis-FavillaJuly 20, 2017

Shame, it is a formidable opponent. It is a persistent shadow. Shame can color the brightest day bleak. It is a tenacious critic.

Shame finds a vulnerable mind and takes low blows. Sometimes shame sucker punches me with memories I want to let go of. It can access all my missteps (the sum total of my wrong words or acts) from my past and make them feel current and oppressive.

Shame is a deceiver. It cons me into carrying burdens no one has assigned to me. It gives the past undue control over my self-esteem right now. It shackles me to my blunders so my heart keeps dragging them along.

Shame uses my history to devalue my future. It presumes to tell me that no remedy exists for the missteps and mistakes in my past. It expands the hold of my regrets. It makes every victory fleeting and every slip last.

Shame gives our every error longevity in our mind’s eye. It suggests our regrets should be immortalized.

Shame can be sly—approaching under the guise of a trip down memory lane and then morphing into a montage of mistakes. It hijacks my mind and my emotions—keeping my thoughts focused on the negatives and my feelings handcuffed to them.

Shame stands in opposition to love—especially the ability to love oneself. It whispers lies like, “You’re not good enough;” and “You’re worse than everyone else.”

Silencing shame means leaving the past behind while only taking the lessons forward—not any self-inflicted punishments I perceive I deserve. It is learning without languishing. It is growing without wallowing.

Shame is a captor that must be escaped. So long as it clouds our vision, our self-perception will be tainted. We will be unable to see ourselves in a good and honest light. Shame must be silenced so we can love ourselves well and get on with life.

You can read more of Aabye’s work here.

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Comments (5)

  1. Regina

    I don’t like me anymore. I’m hating myself. Everyone around me just thinks they give advice but to me it’s put downs. I’ve self harmed in the past and really don’t want to go back there but I’m at the point where if I have nothing else

    Reply  |  
    1. Becky Ebert


      You are not alone. We see you. We hear you. You deserve to have hope, and to reach out for help. Please do not hurt yourself. You are worthy of love.

      You can email us anytime at [email protected]. We read and respond to every message we receive. We also encourage you to seek out help. A good place to start is our Find Help page here: And if you are in need of immediate aid, please text TWLOHA to 741741 via Crisis Text Line. You will be connected to a trained counselor free of charge.

      Please continue. Please stay.

      With Hope,

      Reply  |  
    2. Caitlin

      You are amazing, beautiful, loved. You can get through this darling ❤️

      Reply  |  
  2. Vicky

    Godly sorrow leads to repentance. When we repent of our past mistakes and ask for Jesus to be our Savior. He will forgive. Only forgiveness gets rid of shame. I have been liberated because of Jesus.

    Reply  |  
  3. Janie Cochran

    Dear Aabye-Gayle,
    My name is Janie Cochran and I am a mental health first aid advocate and recently published author. My book, titled Mania, is an intensely personal and honest account of my battle with bipolar mania, depression, and panic attacks. Would you be interested in interviewing me for your blog? I have a lot to say about my journey and welcome any opportunity to encourage or educate or help others suffering in a similar way. In appreciation, I will happily endorse your blog on my mental health website,
    You can reach me at 443-254-6451 and at [email protected].
    Thank You!
    Janie Cochran

    Reply  |  
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