Blog

Mar8
2018

The Response You Deserve

By Elizabeth Wilder

It takes a boldness to say that your brain is sick. That you need help. That you can’t do whatever this is alone anymore.

I think a lot of people who struggle with their mental health feel constantly caught between living their life with this secret struggle or making the decision to confide in someone. Both are equally difficult, both require absolutely all of your energy. We’re less scared of the reactions of others, and more scared of people knowing our truths, small secrets we’ve kept buried deep for so long.

You assume that you’re going to get a positive response from the people you choose to share the messier parts of your life with, that you’ll be comforted and cared for. You’ve been waiting and hoping for this sense of safety and security. This feeling of “this is when everything is going to change for the better.” You’re finally going to let someone in.

But you tell them. You pour out every hurt you’ve ever felt, every word that has never been spoken. Depression, suicide, counseling. And you’re met with disapproval.

Their responses hit you in a way you’re not prepared for, it feels as if someone has punched you directly in the stomach. You can feel yourself sinking into the floor, ears ringing and head spinning. Any sense of progress, and any glimpse of courage, is instantly dashed. You didn’t think it was possible, but you’re even more broken than before.

But let me be the first to tell you, as your world is falling apart, there are people waiting to pick up the pieces with you. You may walk away believing that was your last chance. But I’m begging you to dig deep. Seek out the response you deserve. Make a point to put yourself first. Find the people that truly care, and care in return. Find comfort in the idea that there are people in this world that will understand—even if some don’t.

I’ve come to terms with the fact that not everyone will be able or willing to comprehend my depression or my struggles with substance abuse. But, I have found people who do understand or at least care enough to try. And those people, those who are accepting of the mess and chaos inside of you, are worth the fallout of every other failed attempt. I believe learning to accept the inevitability of defeat can also, ultimately, bring a sense of deliverance.

Free yourself from the idea that you aren’t worthy of other people’s time. Because you are. Invest your feelings and love into people who are willing and eager to reciprocate. Be willing to give grace to those who do not fully understand. I know it’s easy to become discouraged, but my hope is that you come back with a sense of determination—for yourself.

My hope is that you come back stronger.

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Comments (13)

  1. Ashley

    Elizabeth,
    Thank you so much for writing and sharing this! This truly touched me. I’ve been struggling with depression on and off for the last, at least 12+ years and struggling with substance abuse for the last 5 to 6 years. Your words have truly inspired me and I value your courage for sharing part of your story. Thank you so much for being a being a beacon of light to those of us who haven’t yet been able to find our voice.

    Reply  |  
  2. Shaun

    Incredible Blog!! I have loved the consistency in the bogs you guts share, it takes courage to write something so honest. Yet it also takes some bravery to share it with everyone else. Thanks TWLOHA:)

    Reply  |  
  3. Adelaida Naranjo

    Hi, thank you for your post. I’m an survivor, diagnosed bipolar 1, anxiety since childhood. Topics like this are so helpful. Looking forward to reading more.

    Reply  |  
  4. Leslie Harley

    For so long, I have been feeling unworthy to be listened by others. I decided to hide my suicidal thoughts, I am isolated at all.

    Reply  |  
    1. TWLOHA

      Hi Leslie,

      We are so sorry to hear you have been feeling unworthy. We want you to know that we see you and we hear you. Please remember that you are valuable, your life matters and your story matters. Please stay.

      If you need help or someone to talk to right now, we list resources and help lines here: https://twloha.com/find-help/local-resources/.

      You deserve to find some voices and people that will rally behind you. If you want to share your story with our team you can email us at info@twloha.com, we would love to connect with you.

      Leslie, we have so much hope for what you will do in the future. Keep fighting, we believe in you!

      Reply  |  
  5. Daina

    I’ve poured my heart out to each person I thought was a safe place, and each time I’ve been met with excuses and reasons to push me away.
    There are some times that hope dies, some people can’t and won’t be saved. I’m one of them. There’s no reason to try anymore.

    Reply  |  
    1. TWLOHA

      Hi Diana,

      We are sorry to hear that you’ve been hurt by those who you trusted to be your safe places. Diana, we believe your life is worth living. We are so glad that you are still here fighting for your story and believe your best days are ahead.

      If you want to find local resources or be connected to someone to talk to right now, please visit our find help page here: https://twloha.com/find-help/local-resources/.

      Additionally, we would encourage you to reach out to our team at info@twloha.com for a place you can feel safe to share your story and find some encouragement.

      We’re rooting for you Diana!

      Reply  |  
  6. Alex Cade Miller

    Thank you

    Reply  |  
  7. Eleonora

    Thanks for this. I am learning to believe that this is true.
    I am going through a severe depression now, and today I told the psychiatric nurse from the team who checks on me during the holidays that I think I can make it alone now, and I don’t want to use resources that could be used for people who are feeling worse than I am.
    He responded: “Ok. But you also deserve care”.
    It hit me very hard. I find hard to believe that I deserve the time and attention and I always question why the people around me seem to care.
    Thanks for sharing this and for all the work you do.

    Reply  |  
  8. Connie

    My story is different yet the results is the same. I have found those very few who except me and a couple that understand.

    Reply  |  
  9. Nita

    Wow! This was exactly where I was over 10 years ago. Still at times I struggle with opening up. Thank you for sharing this.

    Reply  |  
  10. Michelle

    This is beautiful…
    I’m in my bedroom in bed, alone. It is 4:23am.. I have not slept yet. After my son woke my up I got some serious anxiety out of nowhere and somehow I came along TWLOHA on Facebook and flooeed the link to here.
    I just got clean again…Almost a week after a serious relapse with meth and heroin. I had 8 years… ???? And I fell… It did not last long but in the 2 months of using… I learned a lot about who I need to keep close.
    This really hit home bc .. the thing that tore me up so hard.. was how the people closest to me did me during a time when I needed them the most. I sit here, betrayed by my parents and my best (,only) friend. I have no one now.
    This all began with my husband and I splitting up … He got crazy and threatened me and left me but after he saw he already killed all my care away … He would stop at nothing to get me back
    Saw a side to him that I never saw.
    He got everyone to turn in me. Then my friend who I stopped talking to …ran around trashing my name behind my back in any way she could…
    Now.. at that point I had just began using and was fragile..but certainly not too deep to easily stop. Well when everyone heard I had used the one night.. they gave up on me right then!! And they took and did anything they could to make things even worse!! Threatened to take my kids my house. So much more. They had me so scared that I REALLY said screw it after fighting them for a whole week .. I realized it didn’t matter. My parents literally did not and still have not talked to me. Told ppl I don’t care about my kids!??? Tried to take them! My oldest is still there. ?? They all are manipulative and narssacistic. It is the most awful feeling… I’m still in shock at how they handled it.
    And mind u… 8 years!!! First relapse ever!! And they sat back and watched eating popcorn as if they were waiting for me to fail so they could take my older 2 kids! They took my 2 then never even asked or called about their little brother Justin who is 2 and my husband’s .
    And my friend called cops in me to see if they would catch me high.

    As soon as they heard I used one night…. They just assumed I had just went all out. But I hadn’t!!!! I wasn’t even close to being that bad yet! If they had just loved me thru it I prolly wouldn’t have ever got so bad.

    After that my utilities were shut off and I found my husband hadn’t paid them for so long that I owed 2,000 to gas and electric. And I was a stay at home mom. Not working yet!
    What did they do,??
    Dad mom took my 2 older kids. Justin (husband) took our boy Jr.
    Because obviously no one could be at my house until lights were back on. Then… As I sat in pain bc my poor kids were ripped out of our home after hereing me and daddy fight and their lives were upside down. Because we were very stable. Never moved them and this was a very traumatic thing for junior. He hadn’t ever slept anywhere without me. Ever. We were unseperable.
    So …no kids…after being house wife for years…
    No home.
    Then my dad took my car.. says it needed fixed and hide it in his garage (which I later found out) !!
    Well ya… THAT is when I completely gave up. Everyone turned on me before even knowing what I was even doing! Just listening to gossip and not even asking me once!! Not once!
    Mind blowing!
    So… I had been doing meth on and off for energy because my 2 year old was going thru a weird stage and was up all night .. allll biht for 2 months!! I failed my classes bc of him.
    But once I felt I lost everything (due to their ignorance)
    I got dope… Bc that was always my DOC.
    I ended up doing meth and Heroin hoping I’d just keal over and not wake up . I hardly slept or ate.
    So..
    This is huge. Though my husband said awful things to get me back..
    He is the only one still here for me.
    They broke my heart.
    They didn’t believe in me. They told my husband over and iver to give up bc I’m not coming back until I hit rock bottom!
    Well I’m here! Only a few weeks after all their evil talk.
    Got 2 of my kids home
    .. but my oldst grew up with them and me bc I lived there when he was born until he was 6. So he always was very close to them. And all this made him uncomfortable here. ? God I live him. I miss him here, it doesn’t feel right.
    I will never forget this and forgive.
    I know when I am wrong and I also forgive so easily.
    But the way they did me when I needed them…. I can never forget.
    I still have a very hard time with my husband but I’m only focusing on getting healthier for now.

    Sorry chaotically written. It is from the ? heart though.. thank u
    .

    Reply  |  
    1. TWLOHA

      Michelle,

      We are beyond grateful that you reached out. We hope that you have found some peace and support since this happened. We are rooting for you in your recovery, and we want you to know that your relapse does not define you, nor does it erase the eight years you were clean.

      Would you email our team at info@twloha.com so we can provide you with more support and resources?

      With Hope,
      TWLOHA

      Reply  |  
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