My left ring finger has a beautiful gold band hugging it with a stunning diamond popping out the top. My wedding dress that is too beautiful for words is hanging in my room. My fiance is working hard for our future life together, all the while loving me so well. I have a roof over my head and food in my belly. I graduated college. I’ve traveled. I have a family that loves me. The sun is shining. The birds are chirping.
But I’m not OK.
When the world says you should be happy, it doesn’t always mean you will be. When the perfect person comes along, it doesn’t mean your struggles run away. When a beautiful ring falls on your finger, it doesn’t mean you feel complete everyday. When you accomplish something, it doesn’t mean other uphill battles have ended.
Just because the world says you should be happy, it doesn’t mean you will be.
I recently heard someone say the words, “It’s okay to say ‘I’m not all good without saying everything is all bad.’”
I’m in the middle of a time in my life that so many people dream of. So many people would wish for even a single piece of. And before I entered this point in my life, I expected to walk under a banner that read “Welcome to Happiness” in bold and glittering letters.
Don’t get me wrong, my life is not all bad. It has so much good in it. But I’m not OK right now. Most days I feel hurt, I feel scared, and I feel anxious. Most days I have a hard time getting out of bed and looking at myself in the mirror. I’m bombarded with the heavy labels of depression, anxiety, OCD, and mood disorder. I’m overwhelmed with the thoughts and fears that nobody cares and that nobody understands. I’m battling those lies even when life is screaming, “You should be happy!”
If today you’re looking at your life and hearing the world tell you that you should be happy, but you’re not truly feeling that happiness on the inside—I want to tell you that it’s OK. That you are not alone. And that most importantly—you don’t need to do this journey on your own.
About a month ago, amidst a time of feeling alone, I realized that I do have people in my corner. Many are currently living miles away, or even in another country—but they are still my people. The moment I realized this simple truth, it was as though an all-consuming shroud of darkness had been lifted. I could finally see the community of love that surrounded me, and I decided to speak up. I began to reach out and say, “I am not OK.”
When life appears to be going all right on the outside, but inside it’s not—I get that. Please know that we are with you. We’re all with you. We all have a story and each one is important. We all have a struggle and each one is worth fighting for. We need to remind one another that it’s OK to not be OK. We need each other to have hands to hold, shoulders to cry on, hugs to embrace, ears to listen, mouths to speak truth, eyes to cry with, and hearts that care.
My suggestion to you?
Remember the good—hold onto it and let it be a symbol of hope in your life. But don’t be alone in the hard stuff. You deserve to have your people alongside you, fighting these battles with you—big or small.
We need people to help us carry the heavy and enjoy the light.
We need people to hold onto during the losses and to celebrate the wins.
We can make it through. We will make it through.