You Do Not Need to Earn Love

By To Write Love on Her ArmsFebruary 11, 2022

There’s this idea that love and hate live beside one another. We think this means that passionate and intense emotions tend to be familiar with and linked to each other. And while this might be true in some cases, we want to take a moment to acknowledge all that love is and what love is not.

Love can be challenging. It can be trying. It can require effort. But something it should never be is harmful. Love should not hurt your well-being—physically, mentally, or emotionally.

Love can look like wide-open, welcoming arms, a safe space to share your dreams and fears. It can be a quiet night in, a song that can only be sung at the top of your lungs with all the windows down, or maybe for you, love is the truth that you are complete and not half of a whole.

But love does not encompass manipulation or abuse. Trauma does not equate to love. You deserve love without intentional hurt.

Some might try to claim that love led them to the hurting. But love is never the culprit of pain. Fear, rage, apathy, and gaslighting are not siblings or even neighbors of genuine love.

Love is patience. Love is empathy. Love is anchoring. Love welcomes autonomy and the room to make choices. It reminds us why we’re here, why we chose to stay. It gives us the courage to trust and be honest. It invites us to believe in the good of today and the hope in tomorrow. It’s connection, community, and gratitude for one another.

If you feel love has hurt you, we’re here to validate all of your emotions and ask you to consider the root of that pain. Love helps us remember how alive we truly are and how very much we matter.

Because you do matter. To the people around you. To your pets. To your plants. To yourself.

Maybe your soulmate is you. Maybe the perfect partnership looks like the platonic dynamic you’ve built between you and your best friend. Maybe the ultimate date is a night in with a good book.

Love has no limits. It arrives free of judgment. You do not need to earn love, just like you do not need to earn your breath.

You matter so very much. Your existence is love in real-time. Your choice to stay is love at work. You are love itself.


To make sure your Valentine’s Day doesn’t suck, we hope you’ll join us for some virtual gatherings throughout the day (2/14) on Twitter, Facebook, and Twitch. Get all the details here.

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Comments (4)

  1. Susie

    Thank you. These words…my heart needed them today. Thank you

    Reply  |  
  2. Shellie

    Love…love lost through death. I never self-injured until he died. I was 48 years old. I’m 56 now and just self-injured.

    Reply  |  
    1. TWLOHA

      Shellie,

      We are incredibly sorry for your loss and the grief and pain that has followed. We understand how difficult it can be to process those heavy emotions, and we realize that self-injury can often feel like the only outlet. But we hope you know that you are deserving of healing and a safe space and a way to honor those emotions and challenges. Will you reach out to our team at info@twloha.com so we can learn more about what it is you’re going through and offer you some support and encouragement?

      With Hope,
      TWLOHA

      Reply  |  
  3. Aj

    AJ phrase tad

    Reply  |  
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