For over a decade, the idea of suicide has been written within the pages of my life.
Traumatic experiences took the pen and began to scribble over the hopes and dreams I had neatly written out until not even a single letter was legible.
Slowly, Depression took the pen and began to take the story—my life—over.
The plot changed, and the main character morphed into a body of nothingness. Each day I would look at myself in the mirror and not recognize the person Depression had made me become.
As the years went on, Depression controlled me more and started to share me with Self-Destruction and Suicide. I no longer was me… I was a shell of the person I used to be.
It wasn’t until one day a dear friend said to me, “Thank you for choosing to stay,” that I started to feel capable of stealing the pen back.
I would be lying if I said Depression, Self-Destruction, and Suicide dissipated at that moment… because they didn’t.
In fact, the fear that I would begin to take my life back caused the three forces to team up like never before. They began scratching and scribbling over every page in front of them. Each day became harder and harder as I lost more control of the narrative. All I wanted was to have my life back, but it felt impossible.
The day the three decided to start ripping out the pages yet to come and end my story, I had given up the fight. I was ready to hand over the pen once and for all; I was ready for the pain to stop.
Although I had given up, the people around me hadn’t. They snatched the pen from Depression, Self-Destruction, and Suicide and began to help me repair the tears in the pages. They showed me that the trio that had been looming over me for years didn’t have the final say.
That day—the day my story was going to end—I realized that there was still so much more in store for me.
Through therapy and community, I started to see that my life was worth living. My story was worth telling. I have learned that I am in control of the narrative and I am able to create the life I want.
The pages previously marred will never fully go away… they will always be there… written within my story and the life that I have lived. And although the trio will at times try to take the pen again, I know that I am stronger. They no longer have the power to end my life and my story.
At times, I need help remembering that there is a lot more to my story. I need assistance coping with the pages from the past that are so incredibly damaged; I need support continuing to write and allowing the words to keep flowing.
And for now, this is what I know to be true:
Although at times it may seem like it…
This is not the end of my story.
How You Can Get Involved in Our Suicide Prevention Campaign
Every person deserves access to support before a moment of crisis becomes a tragedy. Every 43 seconds, we lose a loved one to suicide. Behind every loss are countless others who are struggling in silence. As a community, we’re coming together to make mental health care more accessible.
Fundraise for Hope + Help
Every dollar raised helps people find support before it’s too late, because every story deserves the chance to continue. Visit twloha.com/SuicidePrevention to learn more. With your help and support, we are able to fund therapy for people who can’t otherwise afford care, provide access to our FIND HELP Tool, and give people a space to feel seen, heard, and not alone through our peer support groups.
Access Crisis Resources
For those hurting and struggling, you’re not alone. These resources exist for you. Needing help, guidance, and support does not make you a burden. Please go to twloha.com/stay—there are people who can and want to help you through this.
Free Stickers to Share Hope
Fill out this short form, and we’ll mail stickers to you for free! You’ll receive 5 stickers, each including a message of hope and easily accessible mental health resources. Our hope is that you’ll take these and share them with your community. At your grocery store’s community board. A favorite coffee shop. A lamp post that’s been collecting stickers for decades (and could use some fresh ones).