It’s OK to Take a Step Back
My courage began with learning English at the age of 7. I was never very good at it. I remember sitting in front of a stranger whose first and only language was English. I felt intimidated.
Today, Warped Tour begins its last trek across North America. For the last two decades, people have been attending to share in their love of live music. And for more than half of those years, our team has been present with the sole purpose of reminding everyone in attendance that hope and help exist. This year will be no different.
We are soldiers in an invisible war few people can even begin to comprehend. We are warriors fighting countless battles each and every day. And even when it feels as if we’re losing, we keep going.
Today, I woke up. Despite wishing before I went to sleep that I wouldn't.
It’s easy to believe that fame, professional success, wealth, or adoration can protect people from pain, but that is not true. Addiction doesn’t discriminate. Depression doesn’t care if you’re great at what you do.
I’ve been through this before, and so have the people I’ve reached out to for help. This isn’t a path meant for one, and that’s something I’m beginning to understand. I’m not alone.
Give me the garden beds full of color, but also give me those March and April days when only the bulbs have declared their moratorium on winter’s death and are dormant no more, pushing their tiny bodies into a new year. How silent and steady and unassuming the growth is, but it is not missed by me.
My favorite person in the world isn’t here anymore. All the trips I wanted us to take, the late-night chats yet to be had, cups of our favorite tea yet to be enjoyed. I don’t know what the solution is, but I do know that she’d want me to keep running.
My first therapy appointment wasn’t great. I don’t know if the first session is ever good—it’s hard to be comfortable with the level of vulnerability therapy requires.
I’m aware that this isn’t me, that this seemingly all-encompassing sadness is more of a leaching villain than the toxic-yet-comforting friend I initially saw it as. And if you know me, then you know how much I love a good superhero story.
Depression is not something that only affects certain people. You do not have to go through traumatic life events to experience it. You do not have to justify or explain your depression.
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