Blog

Oct8
2013

People Need Other People.

By Jamie Tworkowski

TWLOHA exists to move people—to move people to believe that it’s OK to be honest, and to move people to believe that it’s OK to ask for help.

TWLOHA is an invitation to believe better things.
You matter very much.
Your life is priceless.
Your story is important.
No one else can play your part.

We have connected with so many amazing resources over the years, people and places in the business of helping folks become unstuck, become unhaunted. They do the patient work of recovery, based on years and years of wisdom and experience. They do this work with truth and with compassion.

We are in the unique position of encouraging people to get help, and we get to point them to places where that help can happen. We also love the fact that we’re able to invest in the important work of treatment and counseling.

At the heart of all of this lies a common thread, one that has become more and more apparent as the years go by, one that is part of the foundation of TWLOHA. These words sum up so much of what we’re trying to say. When it comes to depression, addiction, self-injury, and suicide, we believe this message is the game-changer. It’s the first step. It’s the candle lit in the darkness.

The message is this: People need other people.

With this comes a second truth: You are not alone. You are not alone in your problems, not alone in your pain, not alone in your questions, in your heartache and heartbreak. You are not alone.

Other people feel how you feel. Other people are where you are and even more have been where you are. They have known the darkness, too. They have felt alone.

And it’s not enough to simply know you’re not alone. The journey forward will require other people. It will require friends and family. It may require professional help, and that’s entirely OK. If you broke your arm, you wouldn’t try to hide it or fake it. Getting help for depression or addiction should be no different. If you need help, it’s OK to ask for it.

The journey forward will also require conversations, the ones where honest questions are met with honest answers, and somehow understanding happens. Somehow healing happens.

The journey forward will be a mix of crying, laughing, quiet, hoping—and also dreaming. You will get to dream again.

You are not alone, and you will not have to go alone. You will go with others. They will carry you, and you will carry them, and that’s how this dance is done. That’s how’s this life is meant to be lived, leaning on that magic of love, and trust, and friendship.

You are a person in need, and so are all the ones around you. It’s OK to say it. It’s OK to ask. It’s OK to be honest about it. You are a person, which means you feel things, and you lose things, and it happens to all of us. You are not a robot, not a machine, not simply a student, or an employee, or an athlete, or a performer. You are not only what you’re good at, and you’re not only what you’re bad at. You are a person, and people need other people.

You are a person, and you deserve whatever help you need.

You are a person, and you deserve to be known and loved by others.

You are a person—and people need other people.

People-need-people-shirts

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Comments (38)

  1. Julie Le

    I love when Jamie writes. He is so inspirational for everything he’s done and by the way he writes. I am so excited for his book and will pre-order ASAP.

    Thank you for this beautiful blog, I read it 3x in a row just to embrace the wonderfulness it is.

    Reply  |  
  2. Jenna

    Hi! Is it possible for you guys to make Facebook timeline cover from this? It would be nice to show support that way also!

    Reply  |  
  3. sophie

    This a beautiful and honest post. Thank you.

    Reply  |  
  4. Angela Thomas

    So beautifully written, so beautifully said! The path to healing is not an easy one but, so worth it as we learn to lean upon & support one~anther through, as we climb the rocky frighcliffs, or lift each other out of the pits of dipair. Variability & trust are skils to be learned. It is a New experience for those of us who have learned so well the survival of silence & the hushed cryes of brokenness, that have gone so long un~seen, un~spoken un~cried & neglected. To be valuable & validated by others is a gift of healing in it’s self. We all need one~ another and the true love that God has designed us as humans to give & receive!

    Reply  |  
  5. Anna

    After three attempts at an intelligent, emotionally accurate response, I have resigned myself to just saying, thank you. Thank you for caring so very much, for giving so passionately, and for every word.

    Reply  |  
  6. Sean Kleinjung

    I understand the message of this post, and can appreciate the truth of it. But this proclamation – and so many others like it – make it sound so easy. Sometimes the very nature of the struggle means THERE ARE NO OTHER PEOPLE. Accepting the need for people, and being willing to rely on them, does not magically put loving people into a person’s life.

    I would love to have others to go with me. People to ask for help. People to know me and love me. But wishing it will never make it so.

    Reply  |  
    1. Michelle

      I agree with you on some levels because there are people that cannot understand something they have never experienced. They simply do not know what to say or do. And there is the judgemental person who simply does not try to understand. The journey becomes difficult because we do feel alone – the people who do care simply are not around us. Yes, wishing it does not make it happen. For me, my circle of support is very small. I have lost friends because of my depression and have had to distance myself from family. This does not help me on my journey. But the journey we make is our own, we are the one who must do the hard work. It is not easy, it is a struggle. It will take all the strength we have to recover. But please remember that here is where you have a voice. Here is where you will find people like you who understand you. I am thankful for those few who love me enough to stand by me. I am thankful for TWLOHA for reminding me that there are others out there like me. I want you to know that you are loved. It’s that simple.

      Reply  |  
      1. Ashley

        Michelle is right, there aren’t always people to understand and feel what you feel. Similarly, I have a very small support circle…most of whom probably don’t understand what it’s like inside my mind, soul and body because they’ve never experienced it. But they ARE there and that’s what matters.

        They’re there when I need to rant and cry and get things outside of myself for awhile. Whether they’re pretty or uncomfortable or unrelateable, they always listen and try their very best to understand. They ask questions. They tell me I’m not crazy and that there’s nothing I could say or do to change how they see me. And being reminded of those simple facts are really powerful, even from just a few.

        You aren’t alone. Physically, you may be separated from loved ones, but emotionally and spiritually you are never ever alone. The internet and TWLOHA is a big, broad, unending community to find support, acceptance and love.

        Reply  |  
  7. Holly

    This comes at a time when i really need it. I just started university and am also trying to find an appropriate moment to come out to my mum. But this helped me to speak out even if only a little bit. And my wonderful friends new and old are a great help to me. Thank you for your continued support and inspirational words. xx

    Reply  |  
  8. b tyk

    I lost my daughter last weekend…. but I know she found strength from this web site…. Thank you!

    Reply  |  
  9. Barbara Tyk

    My daughter struggled with many of the demons you may be struggling with…. This website was important to her and I want to thank all that are here

    Reply  |  
    1. Mesa

      I’m so incredibly sorry that you lost your daughter Barbara. My heart goes out to you.

      Reply  |  
  10. Katie

    There isn’t anything to say besides thank you, Jamie. You always seem to know what to say when we all need it the most.

    Reply  |  
  11. Katie

    There isn’t anything to say besides thank you, Jamie. You always seem to know what to say when we all need it the most.

    Reply  |  
  12. MED

    Thanks for all you do! This is such a worthwhile organization! I lost my 18-year old brother to suicide in 1987 and so I applaud you for putting a face on such serious topics! Bless you!

    Reply  |  
  13. Christos

    Everyone of as deals with some hard lessons of life.
    I somedays afraid, other days I feel capable to solve anything. It’s an ongoing learning process..what my father best taught me is: Never give up, always think and take small steps. Be positive even the step that that you have to take is one back. There sun will sine in a future step sometime and when it will make the most of it.

    Reply  |  
  14. les

    I have tried survival for so long, I have nothing left to give.

    Reply  |  
  15. Luka

    It’s quit touching 😉 Because everyday i feel that i’m the only person in the world that cries herself to sleep or that is broken… But yeah with this post, not anymore 🙂 Thank you TWLOHA 🙂 from Belgium

    Reply  |  
  16. Adrienne

    “You will get to dream again.” Just that sentence alone ment a whole lot

    Reply  |  
  17. Tina Johnson

    This comes at a time when it is much needed for someone very close to me and I’m not sure what to say but this says it all for me!!!!!! Thank you!!!!!

    Reply  |  
  18. Dale

    This….”They will carry you, and you will carry them, and that’s how this dance is done. That’s how’s this life is meant to be lived, leaning on that magic of love, and trust, and friendship.”….
    Perfectly said, and gave me goosebumps. We cannot do this alone!!

    Reply  |  
  19. David

    This comment could not be shared due to the nature of the message.

    Reply  |  
    1. Claire Biggs

      Thank you so much for sharing part of your story with us.

      TWLOHA is not a 24-hour helpline, nor are we trained mental health professionals. TWLOHA hopes to serve as a bridge to help.

      If this is an emergency or if you need immediate help, please call and talk to someone at 1-800-273-TALK or reach out to the LifeLine Crisis Chat at http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx“. We also have a list of local resources and support groups on our FIND HELP page. Please know that we also respond to every email we receive at info@twloha.com

      Reply  |  
  20. Cassandra

    Bonjour, je me suis vue dans cette histoire, moi aussi je me scarifie et j’ai une dépendance pour les drogues, je trouve ce film magnifique qui donne beaucoup d’émotion, bravo !

    Reply  |  
  21. Gomez

    Me siento muy sola. Triste. Destrozada. He tratado mil veces de salir de esto. He logrado muchas cosas. Pero aun estoy triste, muy triste. Y sola.

    Reply  |  
  22. Soni

    Otra vez noto como si algo no fuera bien en mi, esta presion en el abdomen, esos estupidos pensamientos vuelven. Cuando al fin había conseguido pegar unas estrellas en mi cielo estas desaparecen. Yo era adicta, buscaba salir de mi dolor con drogas, acabe muy mal, perdí todo, eso paso. Tuve que perder todo lo que amaba para darme cuenta que estaba a un paso de perderme a mi misma. Han pasado 4 meses y no he vuelto a drogarme, pero.. Hay recuerdos que son tan letales que te han olvidar el presenter. Creí que habia superado mi problema de autolesionarme, pero no. Ya no son los cortes, pero siguen siendo los golpes, trato de controlarme pero aveces suele serme imposible, ni aguanto y no lo soporto. ¿porque lo sigo haciendo? ¿hay algún motivo? Pasa de que a nadie le importa como te sientas, que a nadie le importa si hiciste algo bueno porque cuando te equivocas solo ven eso.. Te culpan, y tu tambien lo haces.
    Todos pagamos por nuestros errores, por nuestras malas deciciones, por el daño que les causamos a los demás.. Pero siento que ya me cobraron bastante, y que ya fue suficiente. Me siento muy sola. De verdad, que ahora escribiendo esto a esta página aun sabiendo que ni si quiera tengo la seguridad de que alguien lo leerá siento que.. Que estoy muy sola.

    Reply  |  
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  24. Dave

    This comment could not be shared due to the nature of the message.

    Reply  |  
    1. Claire Biggs

      Thank you so much for sharing part of your story with us.

      TWLOHA is not a 24-hour helpline, nor are we trained mental health professionals. TWLOHA hopes to serve as a bridge to help.

      If this is an emergency or if you need immediate help, please call and talk to someone at 1-800-273-TALK or reach out to the LifeLine Crisis Chat at http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx“. We also have a list of local resources and support groups on our FIND HELP page. Please know that we also respond to every email we receive at info@twloha.com.

      Reply  |  
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  26. jeremy chaffin

    Where to start? Me and my wife had a car wreck and totaled our car and our insurace allapsed, so without a car I lost my job, and now our rent, power, water is all about to be cut off, we dont know what else to do. We have tried everything, loans, borrow, nothing works for us, got 2 small childeren and we need help. Will somebody please help us

    Reply  |  
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  29. lynn

    I might have a negative tone to this, however, I have too call “bullshit” on this. My whole family AND friends did the “disappearing” act because they didn’t want to hear/or deal with my suicidal thoughts or depression. I started being referred to as “Debbie Downer”, no one wants to be thr for someone when they don’t understand the sudden change n the person’s behaviour, anger, and need or want to die. They slowly stop answering calls n texts..thats why there r so many homeless people w severe mental health issues? Family n friends do leave n think “Dr’s” will help u repair that broken bone no one can see. It is much easier to walk away then deal with the absolute shock n overwhelming sadness that comes with depression, suicide, and mental health. That is my very unfortunate experience. I actually sat down n wrote exactly how many people have left my life since my illness has gotten worse. The number is 35, that includes friends, family, and the “supposed people” whom I thought would never leave. So, not only am I dealing w a horrible mental illness, I am grieving the sudden loss of 35 people??? I have to join a greiving group because I cannot stop crying. I feel or know I’m left alone n this awful fight because “other people” can’t be bothered. But, if I had cancer, my family would be bringing me soup!! Yep u need people, unfortunately u need the people that understand “unconditional love”, a love very few know, as far as my experience has taught me including therapist’s, hospital’s, dr’s. No one truly CAN CARE unless they have walked a mile in your shoe’s. If not, they have there own bills to pay, they are able to work, plan vacations, have healthy relationships, the last thing on thr mind is “oh yeah, I wonder if Debbie Downer is ok today”? “Well, let’s not call, or check on her today, it would just bring us down”? Leave her for “another day” yeah we all know “she is depressed, blah, blah, blah, but we r SICK N TIRED OF HEARING ABOUT IT”! That, I’m afraid to say is REALITY for a lot of people who used to have family n friends..they are now ISOLATED. Left to the “well let’s hope this medication will work” or “Let’s hope she finds religion or something to get her off that couch and in the Sun”!!!!! No one understands the real pain of your mind being in pain. You cannot explain it too Dr’s or nurses or anyone else accept someone else in the same situation. To those whose family sticks by them thru thick n thin..they are the lucky one’s..few n far between.

    Reply  |  
    1. Claire Biggs

      Hi Lynn,

      We’re so sorry to hear about your struggles. Would you please send us an email at info@twloha.com with this comment? We’d love to see how we can help you during this time.

      Reply  |  
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