Carrying My Sister’s Story
I want to challenge the narrative surrounding these struggles. That’s what my sister would want me to do. That’s what I want to do. My sister wasn’t weak. My friends aren’t weak. I am not weak.
Topic: suicide
I want to challenge the narrative surrounding these struggles. That’s what my sister would want me to do. That’s what I want to do. My sister wasn’t weak. My friends aren’t weak. I am not weak.
I will pay it a hundred times over, for the simple pleasure of a beautiful sunrise or a mug of tea heavy in my hands or another mile run or a hug from a longtime friend or the smile of a stranger across a crowded room.
My story is only one story, but it’s a story that matters—as does yours. You are me and I am you, if in no other way than that one. And I can tell you with the most genuine of hearts that I want you to live.
You are not my good days, and I am not my bad days. You are not my existence.
Sexuality was my primary struggle growing up. When I was 13, I had the first instance of being attracted to men. During the process of figuring out who I was—I dealt with depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and even attempts.
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Every day I think about how much pain my brother must have been in — how much emotional and spiritual pain — and I wonder if therapy could have helped him. I’ll never know the answer to that question.
By remaining seated, I decided my life was worth holding onto. I was choosing to believe I mattered enough to do the work that had to follow...
When you start remembering everything you’ve lived for, you can’t help but know there’s so much more living to do.
What was it, I wonder, that was so special about that particular road trip? The one where you filmed the trees passing by through a window smudged with fingerprints and morning dew?
You call and wait to be connected, and after that minute or so wait, you speak to an elder Black woman, elder because you can hear the age and timbre of her experienced voice, and hear her breath while you cry and sob and weep in public...
Just over a year ago, I was hospitalized because I was going to kill myself. My depression and anxiety had gotten so bad that I was convinced that my death was the best solution...
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