There is an endless amount of information and stories about self-help these days. You spend so much energy trying to become the best version of yourself. As you go through this process, you encounter obstacles that derail your progress, and you might wonder why you can’t ever achieve that version you have in your mind—the person who is calm, confident, consistent, productive, emotionally healthy, and basically perfect.
Healing rarely looks like a single line. In my own healing journey, some days I felt like I was on top of the world. Other days, I felt stagnant and left behind. I’ve come to learn that this was natural and just meant that I was and am human.
When You Feel the Exhausting Pressure to Heal Perfectly
Everyone experiences difficult days, and it gets incredibly exhausting trying to heal perfectly. The pressure to be perfect is actually rooted in shame and the underlying belief that you are not enough. Shame quickly turns a difficult day into a verdict. Shame tells you that if you were strong enough, you wouldn’t need help or repeat the same mistakes. Suddenly, healing becomes another performance.
The Courage It Takes to Ask for Help
There is courage in admitting that you are limited and you cannot carry everything all at once. Sometimes it means sharing your thoughts and feelings with loved ones or booking an appointment with a therapist. Sometimes it’s stepping away from work or school before it takes a bigger toll on your mental health.
The good news is that more people are opening up to help. The number of employee mental health leave requests increased by 300% from 2019 to 2024. This demonstrates a growing movement of people prioritizing their mental well-being. Seeking help is a necessary part of caring for ourselves.
Why Your Setbacks Feel Like Starting Over
According to the CDC, one in 18 U.S. adults lives with a serious mental health condition that negatively impacts their daily life. One of the ways I found most helpful in improving my mental health is being kind to myself and my goals.
In my experience, whenever I encountered a setback, I began to impose stricter standards on myself. For example, when I gained a few pounds after a vacation, I resorted to more exercise and fewer meals. I didn’t realize I was punishing myself for not being perfect.
Over time, I learned that the most important thing is to connect with myself rather than to pursue perfection. Now, instead of self-judgment, I regulate by resting, drinking water, and eating nutritious meals after a trip. And I go back to the gym when I feel ready because I want to, not because I have to.
Embracing the Messy Reality of Your Recovery
Experiencing a struggle or returning to an old pattern is normal and does not erase your progress or send you back to square one. Remember, progress is nonlinear. It is filled with frustrations, breakthroughs, unexpected triggers, and moments where you realize how much you’ve grown.
I remember when I was newly promoted to my current role and was frustrated that I didn’t immediately get the hang of things. I would think I was a disappointment whenever I encountered mistakes. One day, my boss pulled me in for a meeting. My mind went into overdrive, thinking I was going to get scolded or fired. Instead, they told me I was doing a great job juggling all my new responsibilities. That made me realize how I am my own worst critic. Afterward, I vowed to always give myself grace.
Your Progress Matters Far More Than Perfection
Instead of waiting for the day you become perfect, be patient with yourself and meet your struggle with kindness. Rather than becoming someone who never falls apart, healing is about becoming someone who doesn’t feel shame when encountering obstacles.
People need other people. You are not weak for wanting or needing support. If you’re seeking professional help, we encourage you to use TWLOHA’s FIND HELP Tool. If you reside outside of the US, please browse our growing International Resources database. You can also text TWLOHA to 741741 to be connected for free, 24/7 to a trained Crisis Text Line counselor. If it’s encouragement or a listening ear that you need, email our team at [email protected].