Note: This piece talks about suicide. Please use your discretion.
When TWLOHA reached out and wondered whether I would like to write a blog post for Suicide Prevention Month, I doubted my ability to do so in my current state. I audibly laughed as I received this email, as I sat in my third treatment center in 4 years and on the other side of 6 hospitalizations.
Of course it came today, a day when I am fighting for fucks left to give and wanting to scream at the same time. I checked into group this morning as sad and forgotten. The email from Becky, the wonderful editor of this blog, reminded me that I am not forgotten and that the theme of this year’s campaign rings especially true for me.
“This is not the end of your story.”
When I look back over the course of my life, many times come to mind when I thought my story was finished, over.
I think back to my first suicidal thought as a 6th grader.
I think back to high school when I told my teacher I was going to kill myself.
I think back to the scared junior in college who was put in inpatient psych for the first time.
I think of the moments following my attempt at 22.
I think of the time when I was told I needed a higher level of care, which required me to resign from my job.
And even in all of that, I lived to tell the tale. In the midst of my suffering and during the times when my feet got burned from standing on the coals heated by the hell I found, each time I reached a new rock bottom, I was never writing the final chapter.
Marsha Linehan says it best, “The pathway out of hell is through misery.” The only way out is through.
I don’t know what your hell has been like. I tell you about mine to let you know that it is possible to keep going. To stay. To decide to put one foot in front of the other and just focus on the next right thing.
The sun will still fight the moon each morning for space to rise. I want to tell you, reading this, that whatever your hell is and whatever the road out of it is paved with, this is not the end of your story.
I want you to know I understand your pain,
I hear your hurt,
and I can see the sweat on your brow as you wait for some sort of deliverance.
I know what it feels like when you believe your story is over and that this will be the end. I urge you to believe me when I say that this is not the end. This is not the final word. Hope will show up somehow, someway. You are doing the best you can, and that is always enough.
Here’s to more pages, more chapters, and more books of my story and yours.
How You Can Get Involved in Our Suicide Prevention Campaign
Every person deserves access to support before a moment of crisis becomes a tragedy. Every 43 seconds, we lose a loved one to suicide. Behind every loss are countless others who are struggling in silence. As a community, we’re coming together to make mental health care more accessible.
Fundraise for Hope + Help
Every dollar raised helps people find support before it’s too late, because every story deserves the chance to continue. Visit twloha.com/SuicidePrevention to learn more. With your help and support, we are able to fund therapy for people who can’t otherwise afford care, provide access to our FIND HELP Tool, and give people a space to feel seen, heard, and not alone through our peer support groups.
Access Crisis Resources
For those hurting and struggling, you’re not alone. These resources exist for you. Needing help, guidance, and support does not make you a burden. Please go to twloha.com/stay—there are people who can and want to help you through this.
Free Stickers to Share Hope
Fill out this short form, and we’ll mail stickers to you for free! You’ll receive 5 stickers, each including a message of hope and easily accessible mental health resources. Our hope is that you’ll take these and share them with your community. At your grocery store’s community board. A favorite coffee shop. A lamp post that’s been collecting stickers for decades (and could use some fresh ones).