And So I Stay
I have scars on my skin and on my soul. I am healing, but I am not healed; I am recovering, but have not recovered. I am a work in progress.
Topic: depression
I have scars on my skin and on my soul. I am healing, but I am not healed; I am recovering, but have not recovered. I am a work in progress.
I know this place because I have been here so often I should have it furnished. This is the place where hope and the well wishes and good intentions of close ones are not permitted to enter.
If and when I find myself at rock bottom, I will make my peace there.
Two years ago, my younger sister and only sibling died by suicide. Suicide has touched me. No, let me rephrase that, suicide has raked it’s claws across me, dug in, and refused to let go. I’m now what is commonly referred to as a “survivor of suicide.”
Tomorrow exists to show you why you held on today.
Getting to play with the artist that helped me find hope and purpose felt like a collective achievement, as though I was representing something bigger than myself, bigger than just that moment. It was about witnessing tangible proof that things do get better.
To read the stories of people, to quietly be involved in their struggles and their victories reminds me that it’s OK to be human, in all its flaws and all its glory.
I wish our doubts and fears made sense. I wish they would listen to the logic shown in the love of our friends and family. I wish they could be laid to rest with the simple knowledge that there is someone out there who cares.
We have all felt pain, even if we pretend we haven’t. I think this somehow brings us together. I think this might be called love.
When it all comes down to it, you are more than your art. You, as a living, breathing person, come before any of that—which is reason enough to take a medication that helps you stay alive.
No matter what I did, there was a lingering feeling that something about who I was, wasn’t OK.
It took me a long time to embrace the ugly side of self-care. I’m a perfectionist at heart, so whenever I’m not at my best, I consider it a failure.
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