Care to Walk With Me?
It’s possible to live with scars, to feel the same pain you feel right now and to not hurt yourself because of it, to want to stop.
Topic: self-injury
It’s possible to live with scars, to feel the same pain you feel right now and to not hurt yourself because of it, to want to stop.
Time doesn’t tell you about the late-night phone calls answered, the grocery store runs when the razors were returned to the shelf, or the first time I decided to walk out the door wearing shorts.
Often, I find myself wondering what prompted me down the spiral of self-injury. Was it because I was dissatisfied with myself and felt the need to inflict pain upon so many different regions of my body? Or was it perhaps that I felt I deserved to be punished for being so fragmented and unwhole?
Her mom was young and didn’t want to be a mother. Her parents were barely married before her birth and divorced soon after. They hate each other. They blame her for their anger.
I’ve taken to calling the marks in my skin my “war wounds.” They are the scars that remained when the fight was finished, and the evidence that I was stronger than that which had tried to harm me.
On my road to recovery from self-harm, I knew that asking for help was always going to be the most difficult step—but essential if I wanted to get better. And so I did something that scared me: I pushed the keys to spell out the word "CONNECT" and sent the message to 741741. Then, I waited.
I have a history of substance abuse and self-injury. My work is all about encountering people who know these struggles intimately as well.
With the following 28 keystrokes, I am going to write one of the most difficult sentences I have ever written for a public audience: I struggle with self-injury.
Over the last three years, I’ve strung together periods of time where I was clean from self-harm for a single day, an entire week, even ten months — only to relapse. It’s frustrating. But there’s no shame in that. Today though, I’ve reached a full year of being clean.
There is a power we hold and a purpose we serve simply by showing up for one another.
Chad Moses recounts his "summer" on the road and shares some of the stories he carried with him.
"I am every good thing. I am whatever I choose to create within myself, and I choose to go after the light."
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