The Only Way Out is Up
If I can’t trust my brain to keep me safe, perhaps I can’t always trust it to be honest about me either. Maybe some of the things I have tortured myself with over the years aren’t true.
Topic: suicidal ideation
Safe Spaces: More Than a Car
Kiwi was my escape when I was feeling suicidal and didn’t feel safe in my apartment.
Please Be Patient
The most gutwrenching symptom of this disease is not the desire for death, but rather the fear of life.
The Observer of Thoughts
"While I can label the thought all I want with words like negative, dark, disappointing—when I boil it down to the basics, it’s just a thought."
Horses and Hope
Today was the first day of the rest of my life and I was spending it crying on a therapy horse named Ty, my tears mixing with the dirt that clung to him. I was beyond rock bottom.
Fight, Flight… or Freeze?
While most people have heard of the “fight or flight response,” many haven’t heard of the third automatic response: freezing.
Anything But Selfish
I sincerely believed that my living, NOT my dying, was the selfish act.
What About Today?
Today had become the most unfamiliar of days for me.
Suicide is Hard to Talk About
Suicidal thoughts are insidious. They penetrate and infect you to the core.
The Aftermath of Choosing to Stay
No one told me that I could simultaneously feel guilty for wanting to take my own life yet grateful that I didn’t.
You Absolutely Are Special
In the history of the world, in all the people in it now, just one of them is you.
A Letter to the Therapist Who Didn’t Believe Me
When you said those words, I shattered into a million pieces.
